My Declaration of (In)Dependence
Happy 4th of July, everyone!
In the course of my life’s events, it became necessary for me to dissolve the emotional, mental, physical, social, and spiritual bands that connected themselves to me, and to receive the power of Almighty God which He freely offered me.
I now hold the truths of the Bible to be self-evident, that I am created in the image of God and that He has endowed me with certain inalienable rights. Among these are eternal life, earthly freedom, and the pursuit of Him, which leads to true happiness.
Such was my suffering, which led me to declare my independence:
For my 33 years, I struggled with whether I was truly saved. I had done all the “right” things in my Christian life—I had always been in church, but that’s all I remember. I had gone through seasons of certainty, where I said, “Yep, I’m good.” To seasons of uncertainty, “I’m not so sure.” Every time, I rationalized it away.
In 2009, I admitted I was not 100% certain I was saved. This troubled me more than ever, especially given all the growth and freedom I had experienced the previous five years in recovery. Still, I did not want to continue with this inner restlessness any longer. I wanted to be certain. I wanted to have the assurance and the memory that I had truly accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
On that Sunday afternoon, I realized that through all my life struggles, I had come to love God so much that it grieved my heart to even consider the possibility that He could look at me at the end of my days and say, “I don’t know you.” That thought alone was enough for me to take the biggest step in my recovery from codependency. I ignored all the self-criticism in those moments and the “What would people say?” Once and for all, I did it. I prayed to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior – at the age of 33, with my accountability partner by my side. I am now 100% certain that I will spend eternity with the Lover of my soul.
I believe that from the moment I was born to April 5th, 2009, God had been wooing me with his grace – that undeserved favor toward me, a sinner. On that day, I was finally at a place where I had come to love him more than anything. Swallowing my pride and making it official – no matter how foolish it might appear having grown up in the church – was my way of showing Him. The very next Sunday, I was proud and humbled to have my Pastor – Pastor Jay – baptize me as a public profession of my faith.
Therefore, I, Daphne Tarango, appealing to Almighty God in the name of my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, declare I am free and absolved from all allegiance to the enemy of my soul. All emotional, mental, physical, social, and spiritual connection between us is totally dissolved. I am a free person, and I pledge my life and my dependence to the One who came to set the captives free—Jesus, the Christ!
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).
Come alongside… Tell us about the moment you declared your independence. What led you to make that decision?
NEWS: Daphne at the 3rd Annual Spring Market & Craft Fair
It was a privilege to participate in the 3rd Annual Spring Market & Craft Fair here in Lakeland, Florida, earlier this month.
I displayed and sold my books, and I met a lot of people. That’s always one of the highlights of being an exhibitor at conferences and festivals.
I look forward to upcoming conferences and festivals. I have several lined up for this year and will keep you posted when I’m in your area.
If you would like to read more about Women of the Secret Place, click here.
Also, please be in prayer for my next book. Lord willing, I will have it out be year’s end–just in time for the holidays. 🙂
And if you would like me to come speak at your next women’s event, feel free to check out my speaking topics and contact me for more information.
God is doing great things!
Blessings and hugs,
Daphne
S.T.E.P. away from bad habits
Do you have an unhealthy habit? You know… The one that makes you say, “Ugh. I did it again!”
- I ate the things I told myself I would not eat.
- I acted out in anger when I vowed I wouldn’t.
- I stayed inside all day when I told myself I would—at the very least—take a walk around the block.
Those are some of mine. What are yours?
Listen to Paul—a great man of faith:
I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.
I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…
But I can’t help myself….
When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. (Romans 7:15-19)
Talk about frustration and disappointment.
Sometimes, the mere idea of changing an unhealthy habit seems daunting, doesn’t it? After all, I can’t throw away all my food and start all over. And I can’t keep silent all day so I won’t spout out in anger. And walk around the block? That’s just too much effort right now.
So how can we tackle our unhealthy habits, then?
S.T.E.P. away.
Swap it out.
Many times, we pick up our unhealthy habits again because we didn’t replace them with a healthier habit. And when we do give in, the Bible says it’s usually worse (Matthew 12:43-45). For me, that means replacing processed foods with more wholesome, natural foods. That way, when I get a craving for something sweet, I have a natural alternative that I can turn to—not empty calories that I’ll later regret. What can you swap?
Thank your supporters in advance.
Sometimes telling our closest friends or family members what we’re trying to do and thanking them in advance for their support can help us change our unhealthy habits. When our loved ones see we’re trying to improve ourselves, they can be our biggest cheerleaders. That might not always be the case, so it’s important to choose our cheerleaders carefully. For me, that could mean sharing with my family that I’m trying to work on my anger and I would appreciate any support they can give me. Who can you recruit as a cheerleader?
Easy does it.
It’s difficult to make drastic changes to our ingrained habits. So it’s best to start small. In my example, instead of saying I’m going to walk around the block, I can break that down by focusing on the things that need to happen before I can walk around the block. I could say, “Today, I will simply put on my shoes.” It might not be a big deal to some, but for people who struggle with depression, putting on our shoes can be that step in the right direction to get us outside and then to walk around the block and beyond. Celebrate these small victories. Remember Zechariah 4:10: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.” What is your small beginning?
Pray, pray, pray.
Unhealthy habits are bigger than we are or else we would have already given them up. But thanks be to God that He is bigger than anything we could face—including our bad habits. The key is continuous communication with our Higher Power, Jesus Christ. With Him, all things are possible. Without Him, we are powerless.
It won’t be easy, but when you S.T.E.P. away from your bad habits, you’ll soon change your “Ugh, I did it again” to “Yes, God did it again!”
Come alongside…. Do you have an unhealthy habit you would like to change? What is it? Which S.T.E.P. can you focus on today? Remember, you can comment anonymously.
Related Book
5 Steps to Clear Your Head
I wrote yesterday.
That might not mean much—after all, I’m writing right now—but it does mean a lot to me: I wrote in my journal.
It’s been awhile since I journaled.
Hmm… Is it still journaling if it was on a napkin?
Anyway… I needed to clear my head. Lots of stuff has been bouncing around in there, getting tangled up, setting up camp, you name it.
So I took pen to napkin and began clearing my head. And guess what…
I’m feeling much better!
Do you need to clear your head? Are you feeling…
- Confused?
- Stressed?
- Frenzied?
- Boxed in?
- Chaotic?
I encourage you to put pen to paper—or napkin—or whatever writing surface you can find. It might be tempting to skip the writing part. But resist! Don’t discount the power of writing things down. Writing through your chaos can be a healing tool.
Here are five steps to C.L.E.A.R your head.
Come away.
You can’t clear your head if you’re surrounded by confusion. So take some time—even five-or-ten-minute increments—to come away to a place that helps you to clear your head. Yesterday, it was my bed. For you, it could be a favorite chair or a spot on a lake, or if you’re a mom, it could just be the bathroom. Regardless, to clear your head of all the confusion, physically remove yourself from all that’s probably getting you in a frenzy in the first place. Remember this: “God is not a god of confusion but a God of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33a).
Listen to God.
If you’re feeling confused, there might be some internal struggles going on, which can leave you pulled in all directions. When you come away and listen to God—truly listen—with your heart, He will show you the source of the confusion. God can speak to you in many ways; in my experience, His silent whisper speaks loudest. So ask Him to show you. James 1:5 says, “If you need wisdom — if you want to know what God wants you to do — ask Him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.”
Empty your feelings and sins.
Once you’ve come away and listened to God about the source of your confusion, empty yourself of all your feelings and any sins. God doesn’t want you to stuff your feelings. He wants you to share them freely with the One who created all feelings. Once you share your feelings with Him, you can more clearly see how you’ve gone wrong—or sinned—against Him. Then you can confess and ask His forgiveness. Remember: “God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, he will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure.” (1 John 1:9)
Affirm God’s peace.
Words can kill or they can give life (Proverbs 18:21). When you feel confused, affirming God’s peace in your life through writing will breathe life into your spirit. When you talk—and listen—to God, you will replace worry and “experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7). Affirm His peace in your spirit.
Repeat as necessary.
Chances are you’ll need to clear your head again—maybe for the same reasons or for other situations entirely. Regardless, with all the craziness in this world, your spirit likely will long for peace regularly. Continue in these things: Come away, Listen to God, Empty your feelings and sins, Affirm God’s peace, and Repeat. Be intentional about it.
You can C.L.E.A.R. it!
Come alongside… Do you need to clear your head? What strategies do you use? Have you considered writing through your chaos? How can these tips help you today and in the future? Share your comments with us in the box below.
Go Ahead, Give Yourself Some Love
I’ve been wanting—er, needing—a massage for months now.
Yes, I said need—for my chronic pain, of course. 🙂
Seriously… right now, a visit to my massage therapist Debbie would do wonders for me—physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually. But I’ve been depriving myself of it—for a number of reasons:
- I don’t have time.
- I don’t have the money—or I can use the money for something else—or someone else.
- I don’t really need it now—I can make it a little longer.
- I feel guilty.
Can you relate? Maybe it’s not about the massage for you. Maybe it’s:
- Getting pedicures—yes, guys, you can get pedicures too. 😉
- Indulging in chocolate ice cream—or ice cream, in general.
- Snuggling with a book.
- Taking a nature walk all by yourself. For us mothers, it could be just being by ourselves.
- You name it.
What have you been depriving yourself of that would do wonders for you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually?
And now the bigger question:
Why have you been depriving yourself of it?
I’m not talking about unhealthy habits or addictions. Rather, I’m talking about those things that make us feel loved.
Please hear my heart, dear one. You don’t have to wait for someone else to love you. Love yourself—Jesus said so!
Love your neighbor as you love yourself. (Matthew 22:39)
God’s not talking about a narcissistic, sinful, lustful kind of “love.” He says do good to yourself, look after yourself—your body, your mind, your soul. And this, not only when you feel you’ve earned it, but routinely and unconditionally loving yourself in healthy ways that say…
“I love God, and I love myself.”
That’s a hard thing for codependents: Loving ourselves. We prefer to look after others, sometimes forgetting about ourselves completely. We fear we’re not worth being loved. We deny our feelings—and many times, our needs. We don’t love ourselves.
But God loves you, dear one. And I’m sure you love God. And because you do, He wants you to honor Him by pausing from work, obligations, roles and responsibilities to spend some time on yourself. God gives you permission to love yourself. In fact, He commands you.
So go ahead, give yourself some love.
Hmm… Where’s Debbie’s phone number?
Come alongside… What makes you feel loved? Have you been depriving yourself of it? How do you feel knowing that God gives you permission to love yourself? What steps can you take to love yourself today? Share with us in the comments section below.
