Playing Tug-of-War with Angels
“Right now, we’re just playing tug-of-war with angels.”
The doctor’s voice ushered in reality for us. Our NeeNee–the matriarch in the family–was dying. Doctors resuscitated her numerous times that morning–the day before Thanksgiving.
It was now our decision: To sign or not to sign the DNR form.
My husband, his step-mom Tracy, and I. No one else in the family had made it to the hospital yet.
The three of us looked at each other, tears streaming down our faces.
“We hate to do this to you,” said the doctor, “but we need to know now.”
We knew NeeNee wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She was ready to go home.
“Do not resuscitate.”
I walked behind the doctor to the room where NeeNee lay, Tracy beside me. My husband left to pick up family members.
Our NeeNee lay motionless in the bed. I held her left hand while Tracy held her right hand. We cried alongside her, prayed over her, but most of all, we loved on her. She was non-responsive, even before the doctors disconnected the machinery. But we knew she could hear us.
Periodically, we watched her vitals, slowing with each passing moment.
Still, she held on.
A chaplain came and prayed with us.
We waited for the others to arrive. Minutes seemed like hours, but Tracy and I treasured every moment with our NeeNee. She took deep breaths every once in awhile, as we reassured her, “It’s okay. Go on home.”
I caressed her hair and rubbed my index finger on her cheek. Every once in awhile, I leaned in to kiss her and tell her I loved her. Her vitals would spike and then slowly decline again.
“It’s okay, NeeNee. Go on home.”
I held her hand and remembered the day I met her–a beautiful smile that welcomed me into her family. She knew no strangers and loved all who came around her. She was the family historian–a storyteller who could take a 5-minute tale and turn it into a 30-minute epic. She remembered everyone’s birthday and anniversary and freely gave out of the little she herself possessed. Her heart was toward her family.
Now her heart was failing her. She was tired and ready–ready to leave this world of physical pain and enter into paradise with her Savior. Her sister, mother, and father would be waiting for her there too.
And yet, the angels tugged at her. We tugged as well.
Pulse.
15-0.
15-0.
15-0.
Outside the room, I heard a noise. Turned around to see some of our family members. “They’re here,” I said.
15.
0.
0.
0.
0.
I bowed my head and cried. She waited. They arrived. She let go of the rope. Quietly, peacefully, she entered eternity. No more pain, no more exhaustion. God, in His mercy, extended her the ultimate gift–not only the freedom from pain and exhaustion, but also the gift of Himself.
But why grant me such a gift? Why would God grant me the gift of ushering a beautiful soul into His presence? To witness the passing of a Godly woman–a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt and friend to many? Why would He have me share this life-changing occasion with Tracy? Why?
Love.
The love that took NeeNee home is the same love that shone down on me that day. It’s the same generous love God shines down on me every moment, every day (Psalm 84:11). God’s perfect love transcends suffering and pain–NeeNee’s and mine.
In death and in life, we play tug-of-war with angels. In death and in life, I want to let go of the rope.
We love you, NeeNee, and we’ll see you soon.
Come alongside… In what ways are you playing tug-of-war with God? How can you let go of the rope?
New Articles Published… “Accepting My Pesky Imperfections” and “5 Practical Ways to Let Go of Perfectionism”
Earlier this month, Mentoring Moments for Christian Women published one of my recent blog posts in their Thanksgiving edition.
Today, I am honored that Mentoring Moments has published another two of my articles: “Accepting My Pesky Imperfections” and “5 Practical Ways to Let Go of Perfectionism”. I hope you will read both articles and comment. Share them with your friends this Thanksgiving season! God alone is perfect!
Here is a little more about Mentoring Moments–from their website:
Mentoring Moments for Christian Women was founded in 2005 as an email newsletter and recorded conference calls service to mentor and inspire women. Now, almost five years later, MMCW has established an online presence of providing quality articles and podcasts to encourage women free of charge.
Growing from just 486 subscribers our first month in 2005 to reaching thousands world-wide in 2009, MMCW’s goal is to bring glory to God through our service.
MMCW is comprised of an all volunteer staff of women from every walk of life, age, and background. Giving of their time and talent, these women work tirelessly to encourage women to experience a life of freedom in Christ.
Mission Statement
Mentoring Moments for Christian Women is an evangelical Christian site providing encouragement, mentoring, and practical tips for women in their everyday walk with the Lord, Jesus Christ.
Come alongside… Are you a perfectionist? How can you let go of your perfectionism? How can you share hope with others?
Big hugs,
Daphne
Adoption is Final
Some of you know that my husband and I are in the process of adopting. We’re in the final stages of our training and are starting to consider and pursue specific children.
Throughout the ten weeks of training, I’ve learned many things.
- There are 107,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted.
- If these children reach adulthood without having been adopted, they will undoubtedly face difficulties coping with life’s demands.
- Like all children–orphans want love and acceptance from a family–their forever family.
- Instead, they are bounced from foster home to foster home, many times for no fault of their own.
- If they are matched with a family, the fear still lingers–they might be “sent back.”
Truth is… They can’t be sent back. Adoption is final.
Dear one, God wants to adopt you.
Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what He wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace. God gave that grace to us freely, in Christ, the One he loves. Ephesians 1:5-6
Isn’t this wonderful news? God decided before the foundations of the earth that He wanted us to be His.
- He chose us!
- He chose me!
- He chose you!
- If you have not accepted His love…
- If you have not acknowledged at some specific moment in your life, “Yes, I choose to be adopted by you, God, through Jesus Christ’s love on the cross” …
- If you have not made the adoption choice a mutual one…
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
God, I’ve been fatherless. I’ve sought love and acceptance in many ways that have grieved you–my Heavenly Father. But no more! Today, I choose to be adopted by you. I choose to be your son–your daughter. I choose to be part of your large family through Jesus Christ. Today, I choose You–my one and only Heavenly Father.
Thank you that I am no longer fatherless. Thank you that I am no longer alone. Thank you for blessing me with brothers and sisters to come alongside me every step of the way. Thank you that even after I die, I will live with you forever.
Thank you for Jesus!
Love, Your new son or daughter.
