Relapse Ain’t Got Nothin’ on My Recovery Group
Hi, friends!
Let’s talk recovery. More specifically, relapse.
We see it over and over again on the news, mainly with celebrities whose relapse into addictions and unhealthy behaviors results in death. Singer Whitney Houston comes to mind. Just this week, actor Philip Seymour Hoffman died after being clean more than two decades. He relapsed last year.
This isn’t just about celebrities. We see relapse more and more in the lives of those around us—family, friends, acquaintances, even people at church. We might be the ones in relapse.
I’ve relapsed.
This past year has been incredibly difficult for me: Emotional stress, financial issues, and tense relationships. Like others in recovery, I’ve had a hard time not falling back into old habits when I face triggers. I’ve had some missteps–even skidding back to square one in several areas. I’ll be honest: I wasn’t practicing what I wrote two years ago about preventing and reversing relapse:
- Reflect
- Expose your triggers and plan your escape strategies
- Look up and re-learn scripture passages
- Activate your accountability partners
- Pray, pray, pray
- Share your story
- Evaluate regularly
(You can find more detailed explanations about each of these tips in part one and part two from 2012.)
One thing has been important for me to step back onto–and stay on–my recovery path:
I started attending weekly recovery group meetings again.
Recovery groups aren’t just for people who struggle with drugs or alcohol. Recovery groups are for people who struggle with anger, codependency, food addictions, workaholism, pornography addictions, fear and worry, trust, and so much more. People like me and possibly you.
I made a lot of progress when I was attending group, so I didn’t see the need to keep going once I was “better.” Now I remember why it’s important to attend my recovery group regularly. I have people who hold me accountable. They don’t judge me, criticize me, or look at me any differently when I make a bad choice. They listen, understand, and love me no matter what. My recovery group keeps me from relapsing. They are my family.
Attending weekly also helps me to live consistently, my word for this year.
I don’t know why I ever stopped attending. 😉
Today, I encourage you: If you’re struggling to stay on your recovery path–or if you’re already on an unhealthy and destructive path, find a recovery group in your area. Celebrate Recovery is a great place to get connected. You’ll meet with others who will walk with you, encourage you, and love you.
Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn’t have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him! Or suppose two people lie down together. Then they’ll keep warm. But how can one person keep warm alone? One person could be overpowered. But two people can stand up for themselves. And a rope made out of three cords isn’t easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Don’t go it alone. Relapse ain’t got nothin’ on recovery groups!*
Come alongside… Are you staying on track in your recovery? Have you taken steps back? What can you do to get back on the right path? Share with us in the comments below. Remember, you can comment anonymously.
*Note: I don’t mean to minimize addiction by saying it’s easy to recover by solely attending recovery groups. Other resources and treatments might be necessary to address recovery. Recovery groups are just one component to address recovery, relapse, and addictive behaviors.
Related Products
S.T.E.P. away from bad habits
Do you have an unhealthy habit? You know… The one that makes you say, “Ugh. I did it again!”
- I ate the things I told myself I would not eat.
- I acted out in anger when I vowed I wouldn’t.
- I stayed inside all day when I told myself I would—at the very least—take a walk around the block.
Those are some of mine. What are yours?
Listen to Paul—a great man of faith:
I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.
I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…
But I can’t help myself….
When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. (Romans 7:15-19)
Talk about frustration and disappointment.
Sometimes, the mere idea of changing an unhealthy habit seems daunting, doesn’t it? After all, I can’t throw away all my food and start all over. And I can’t keep silent all day so I won’t spout out in anger. And walk around the block? That’s just too much effort right now.
So how can we tackle our unhealthy habits, then?
S.T.E.P. away.
Swap it out.
Many times, we pick up our unhealthy habits again because we didn’t replace them with a healthier habit. And when we do give in, the Bible says it’s usually worse (Matthew 12:43-45). For me, that means replacing processed foods with more wholesome, natural foods. That way, when I get a craving for something sweet, I have a natural alternative that I can turn to—not empty calories that I’ll later regret. What can you swap?
Thank your supporters in advance.
Sometimes telling our closest friends or family members what we’re trying to do and thanking them in advance for their support can help us change our unhealthy habits. When our loved ones see we’re trying to improve ourselves, they can be our biggest cheerleaders. That might not always be the case, so it’s important to choose our cheerleaders carefully. For me, that could mean sharing with my family that I’m trying to work on my anger and I would appreciate any support they can give me. Who can you recruit as a cheerleader?
Easy does it.
It’s difficult to make drastic changes to our ingrained habits. So it’s best to start small. In my example, instead of saying I’m going to walk around the block, I can break that down by focusing on the things that need to happen before I can walk around the block. I could say, “Today, I will simply put on my shoes.” It might not be a big deal to some, but for people who struggle with depression, putting on our shoes can be that step in the right direction to get us outside and then to walk around the block and beyond. Celebrate these small victories. Remember Zechariah 4:10: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.” What is your small beginning?
Pray, pray, pray.
Unhealthy habits are bigger than we are or else we would have already given them up. But thanks be to God that He is bigger than anything we could face—including our bad habits. The key is continuous communication with our Higher Power, Jesus Christ. With Him, all things are possible. Without Him, we are powerless.
It won’t be easy, but when you S.T.E.P. away from your bad habits, you’ll soon change your “Ugh, I did it again” to “Yes, God did it again!”
Come alongside…. Do you have an unhealthy habit you would like to change? What is it? Which S.T.E.P. can you focus on today? Remember, you can comment anonymously.
Related Book
7 Ways to Prevent–and Reverse–Relapse (Part 2 of 2)
In last week’s post, I introduced three of the seven ways we can prevent—and reverse—relapse in our recovery journeys.
Let’s recap…
R is for Reflect.
E is for Expose your triggers and plan your escape strategies.
L is for Look up and re-learn scripture passages.
I hope you’re already putting those into practice. I know I am!
Today, we’ll complete the acronym “RELAPSE” with the letters A, P, S, and E.
Here goes…
4. Activate your accountability partners
Our enemy wants us to stay silent and pretend all is okay. He wants us to keep our struggles to ourselves. Remember: Silence comes with a cost.
When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. (Psalm 32:3)
Silence pains us physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually.
It’s better to have a partner than go it alone…. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble…. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Accountability partners who struggle with similar issues can empathize with us, they can share what has worked for them, and they keep us on track with our recovery. They are there for us when we’re tempted to give in. Most importantly, they can pray for us.
If you haven’t talked to your accountability partner in a while, give him/her a call and catch up. If you don’t have an accountability partner, pray. Ask God to place someone on your heart and to lead you to the right person—someone of the same sex whom you can trust and share your struggles and victories—big and small.
5. Pray, pray, pray
We can do all of the above, and if we don’t pray to our Higher Power Jesus Christ, then we are still relying on our own power to get us through. Willpower will only get us so far. But listen to what prayer can do:
The Holy Spirit helps us when we are weak. We don’t know what we should pray for. But the Spirit himself prays for us. He prays with groans too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)
“You will not succeed by your own power or strength. You can’t force these things. They only come about through my Spirit,” says the God-of-the-Angel-Armies. (Zechariah 4:6)
Preventing—and reversing—relapse isn’t only a physical battle. It’s a spiritual battle for our daily freedom and, in many instances, our very lives. Spiritual battles require spiritual weapons—weapons that only come from praying and spending time with God.
We do live in the world, but we do not fight in the same way the world fights. We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. (2 Corinthians 10:3-4)
We can destroy those strong places—those habits we keep gravitating toward—when we capture every sinful thought with our prayers and make them give up and obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
6. Share your story
What is your recovery story so far? Have you shared it? We can prevent relapse—and reverse it—when we share what God has done in our lives. It grows our faith, gives us hope to keep going, and increases the faith of those around us.
Many times, the best opportunities to share our stories come when we serve others—when we step outside of our own situations and focus on how we can help those who are also struggling. Each time we share our story with others, we take one more step to freedom and we help others to do the same.
Faith comes from listening to this message of good news — the Good News about Christ. (Romans 10:17)
They overcame because the Lamb gave his life’s blood for them [and] by giving witness about Jesus to others. (Revelation 12:11)
7. Evaluate regularly
I would love to say that if we do these things, we will never misstep, dear ones. But the reality is that we will make mistakes. The key to preventing—and reversing—relapse is to continue in our recovery marathon and to be intentional about evaluating our progress on a routine basis.
Ask God to reveal the habits that have snuck in and taken up residence in the hidden places of your heart and mind. Ask Him to show you the things in your life that He doesn’t like—and to help you live in the way that is always right (Psalm 139:23-24).
Remember: We started this marathon. Let’s finish it!
Strip down, start running–and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed–that exhilarating finish in and with God–he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Come alongside…What steps can you take today to prevent—or reverse—relapse?
7 Ways to Prevent–and Reverse–Relapse (Part 1 of 2)
Recovery is a life-long journey. It’s day in and day out–morning, noon, and night. We rejoice with our victories, and we sob with our defeats.
Many times, our missteps teach us the greatest lessons. But if we’re not careful, our missteps can also send us head first into a full-blown relapse.
Today–and in my next post, I want to use the letters in the word “RELAPSE” to share with you seven ways we can prevent—and even reverse—relapse on our recovery journeys.
1. Reflect
Think about the things you are doing that remind you of your “former self”—that is, pre-recovery. Lately, I’ve been getting angry easily and making sarcastic comments—signs of “old Daphne” resurfacing. Maybe you are:
- Criticizing others
- Trying to please people
- Taking a drink here and there
- Bursting out in anger
- Mistreating your body
- Flirting with pornography
Identifying these signs will help you uncover any underlying issues that need to be addressed. God will show you those signs as you quietly listen to Him and ask Him to “search you” (Psalm 139:23).
2. Expose your triggers and plan your escape strategies
Once you’ve identified the red flags, uncover your triggers. What are you generally feeling, thinking, or doing before you, say, burst out in anger or try to please others, etc? When I spout out in anger or make sarcastic comments, I’m usually feeling overwhelmed because things aren’t turning out the way I want or planned. This has set me off big time lately.
Once you know your triggers, you can start planning your escape strategies. Yes, that’s right—escape. Listen to 1 Corinthians 10:13:
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.
Did you get that? God will show you how to escape your temptation! Maybe your escape strategy could include physically removing yourself from a situation or setting stricter controls on your computer, or God may even bring someone into your life at that very moment to help you in some way or another—even if it’s just to distract you for a few minutes to get yourself back on track. The key is to say to yourself, “When I see this red flag, I will escape by [insert your escape strategy].”
3. Look up and re-learn scripture passages
Once you’ve exposed your triggers and planned your escape strategies, pull out the Scripture passages that you used early on in your recovery. If you don’t have them anymore, no worries. Write them down again. As you write them on paper, God will rewrite them on your heart. In my case, I would go back to these verses.
“If you want a happy life and good days, keep your tongue from speaking evil, and keep your lips from telling lies.” (1 Peter 3:10)
“The tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life.… Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it breaks out into curses against those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Can you pick olives from a fig tree or figs from a grapevine? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty pool.” (James 3:6-12)
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit–you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21)
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)
These are just a few passages, but you get the idea: Inscribe God’s word on your heart once again.
I hope you can already see ways to help you prevent sliding back into old habits. It’s all about staying in God’s word and presence, wouldn’t you say?
In my next post, we’ll look at the remaining 4 ways to prevent—and even reverse—relapse.
In the meantime, come alongside… How has this post helped you? What can you put into practice today? Who do you know who can benefit from this post? Will you share it with them?
For more posts on seeking God’s presence, visit the “In His Presence Link-Up” at Mentoring Moments for Christian Women.
