Forgive and forget? Not really. (Part 1)
Hi, friends!
Do you “forgive and forget?”
Lately, I keep seeing and hearing people tell each other to “forgive and forget” wrongs others have committed against them. Although I’ve heard that saying since I was a wee one, the more I hear it, the more I don’t agree with it. Well, part of it, anyway.
Should I forgive? Absolutely!
Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean the other person did nothing wrong. On the contrary! It means yes, he–or she–wronged you in one way or another. When you forgive, you acknowledge that someone did hurt you.
- They lied about you.
- They abused you.
- They took you for granted.
- They ignored you.
Forgiveness says…
“You hurt me!”
But forgiveness goes further. It also says…
“I’m not going to hurt you back.”
When you forgive someone, you tell yourself, “I won’t let what so-and-so did fester. I won’t let myself get bitter. I won’t let myself take revenge. (Yes, revenge includes giving them the silent treatment.)”
Don’t pay back evil with evil. (Romans 12:17)
Forgiveness says you have suffered from someone’s words or actions. It doesn’t mean you deny or diminish what you’re feeling:
- “Oh, it’s okay.”
- “It’s no big deal.”
- “I’ll get over it.”
- “Whatever.”
Forgiveness says, “Oh, I feel it… Every. Single. Day. But today–for this moment, I will not get them back. I will feel all of this pain. I will cry, I will kick, I will scream. And when I’m done, I’ll be a little more free.” Yes, free!
Our hurts are alive. We can’t bury them. They need to come out one way or another; that’s why God tells us not to ignore them.
My people are broken – shattered! – and they put on band-aids, Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’ But things are not ‘just fine’! (Jeremiah 6:14)
When you let out your hurts, when you thrust them up to God, you move one step closer to being released from the burden of that pain. Forgiveness makes that happen. Forgiveness helps you to process those feelings for however long it takes. And yes, sometimes, forgiveness takes a long time; it doesn’t all happen at once. But when it does–when forgiveness is complete, after umpteen times of crying, kicking, screaming, praying to God, you’ll suddenly realize…
“Hey, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did before.”
That’s what forgiveness does. That’s what God wants for us all. That’s what He wants for you.
So… yes, I agree with the “Forgive” part of “Forgive and forget.” But do I agree with the “and forget” part? I’ll address that in my next post. In the meantime…
Come alongside… Do you have someone to forgive? Will you? Why or why not? Please comment in the box below. Remember, you can comment anonymously.
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2nd Graders, Field Trips, and Jesus
“This way, kids. Stay with us.”
“Joshua… Joshua, this way, please.”
“Come on, Jasmine. Time to move on.”
Oh, the joys of chaperoning 2nd grade field trips.
We don’t have all 16! Where’s Samuel?!?!
Nine girls, seven boys. Nine girls, seven boys.
I felt like I was corralling them as we walked along—trying to catch glimpses of sharks, goliath groupers, and sea anemones along the way.
I wanted them to enjoy the aquarium to the fullest—protected, safe, without getting lost and scared.
I was there for them.
Dear one, Jesus is there for us too–except He’s not just a chaperone. He is The Great Shepherd.
“This way, Daphne. Stay with me.”
“Daphne… Daphne, this way, please.”
“Daphne, time to move on.”
He doesn’t want to spoil our fun. He loves us and wants us to enjoy life to the fullest. His boundaries protect us, keep us safe, and help us not to get lost or scared along the way.
We might want to go our own way—and many times we do, but Jesus comes back for us.
If a man has a hundred sheep but one of the sheep gets lost, he will leave the other ninety-nine on the hill and go to look for the lost sheep. (Matthew 18:11-14)
When we’re weak, tender, sick, burdened, or hurting, He gathers us in His arms. He carries us close to His heart. He gently leads us (Isaiah 40:11).
***
At the end of the day, we made it back to school with all 16 kids. No major injuries–just a few cuts and scrapes along the way. I set boundaries–they felt loved. Some kids even fought to hold my hand.
“It’s my turn to hold her hand.”
“You already had a turn.”
“Mrs. T., when can I hold your hand?”
Dear one, hold Jesus’ hand. Stay within His boundaries. You will feel His love.
Come alongside… Have you ever been a chaperone? What was that like? Has anyone ever chaperoned you? How has God shepherded you? What is He trying to get across to you? Please share with us in the comments.
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News: Daphne’s Article, “Cell Phones, Hurts, and Broken Hearts” Published in MMCW
Happy Saturday, Readers!
It’s finally feeling like Fall here in Florida. I have the windows open, and the breeze is quite refreshing.
Please visit Mentoring Moments for Christian Women to read my latest article, “Cell Phones, Hurts, and Broken Hearts,” which is part of the “Jesus Is…Healer/Deliverer” series.
I am so blessed to be part of the staff at Mentoring Moments. We have a great group of women whose hearts are to minister to other women at all stages of their lives. We truly strive to provide that mentoring described in Titus 2.
I have more news coming up in the next few weeks, but I’ll wait to share until then. In the meantime, I wish you much healing in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Big hugs,
Daphne
Adoption is Final
Some of you know that my husband and I are in the process of adopting. We’re in the final stages of our training and are starting to consider and pursue specific children.
Throughout the ten weeks of training, I’ve learned many things.
- There are 107,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted.
- If these children reach adulthood without having been adopted, they will undoubtedly face difficulties coping with life’s demands.
- Like all children–orphans want love and acceptance from a family–their forever family.
- Instead, they are bounced from foster home to foster home, many times for no fault of their own.
- If they are matched with a family, the fear still lingers–they might be “sent back.”
Truth is… They can’t be sent back. Adoption is final.
Dear one, God wants to adopt you.
Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what He wanted and what pleased him, and it brings praise to God because of his wonderful grace. God gave that grace to us freely, in Christ, the One he loves. Ephesians 1:5-6
Isn’t this wonderful news? God decided before the foundations of the earth that He wanted us to be His.
- He chose us!
- He chose me!
- He chose you!
- If you have not accepted His love…
- If you have not acknowledged at some specific moment in your life, “Yes, I choose to be adopted by you, God, through Jesus Christ’s love on the cross” …
- If you have not made the adoption choice a mutual one…
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
God, I’ve been fatherless. I’ve sought love and acceptance in many ways that have grieved you–my Heavenly Father. But no more! Today, I choose to be adopted by you. I choose to be your son–your daughter. I choose to be part of your large family through Jesus Christ. Today, I choose You–my one and only Heavenly Father.
Thank you that I am no longer fatherless. Thank you that I am no longer alone. Thank you for blessing me with brothers and sisters to come alongside me every step of the way. Thank you that even after I die, I will live with you forever.
Thank you for Jesus!
Love, Your new son or daughter.
Lifting my head
He extended his arms to her and gently raised her head so she would look him in the eyes.
“Come here, baby girl. Lift your head up.”
He caressed and reassured her.
“Daddy always wants you to lift your head. There’s no reason to look down.”
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Our dog has this habit of walking with her head down. Sometimes she even approaches you, cowers, and tucks her tail in between her legs.
Some would say she’s overly submissive, and I agree.
Others would say it’s a result of being disciplined, and I would also agree.
And yet others would say she knows when she’s done something wrong. Agreed.
But this isn’t about my dog. It’s about me. It’s about you. It’s about what we do when we approach God–and others. Our pasts weigh us down.
- Lies.
- Cheating.
- Abuse.
- Addictions.
- Hurts.
We feel humiliated, beat down, guilty, and ashamed.
God wants me–He wants you–He wants us to approach Him. He wants to forgive us. He wants to lift our heads. When we accept His forgiveness, there is no reason to hang our heads.
If you set your heart on God and reach out to him, If you scrub your hands of sin and refuse to entertain evil in your home, You’ll be able to face the world unashamed and keep a firm grip on life, guiltless and fearless. You’ll forget your troubles; they’ll be like old, faded photographs. Your world will be washed in sunshine, every shadow dispersed by dayspring. Full of hope, you’ll relax, confident again. ~Job 11:13-18
If we would only look to Him!
Our faces are never covered with shame. ~Psalm 34:5
God will shield us from shame. He will ground our feet. He will lift our heads high. Psalm 3:3
Come here, my child.
Come alongside…What keeps you from holding your head high? Would you allow your Daddy to forgive you, to raise your head, and blot out your shame?
