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Hope

Are you feelin’ it? You don’t have to.

 
Hi, friends!
 
It’s hard to encourage others when you yourself are discouraged. That’s where I’ve been lately.
 
Okaydiscouragedrev
 
Hey, this blog is about transparency, right? 😉
 
 
One thing I’m learning—sometimes, not very well—is that discouragement comes when I expect something and then don’t get it, when I long for something and it doesn’t come about. For most of us, wanting these things isn’t necessarily bad:
 
 

  • A job
  • A husband
  • A child
  • An improvement in health
  • A publishing contract (for my fellow writers out there!)

 
 
What to do?
 
 
It’s easy to tell someone to just put their eyes on Jesus. But when your bills stack higher than Mt. Everest, your biological clock is ticking, your health slides downward, or the publishing contract loses its way in the mail, it’s hard to get your eyes on anything other than what your heart desires.
 
 
That’s why I start with my heart.
 
 
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a firm believer in acknowledging and processing my feelings. That’s how we heal and grow. It’s also how we experience the range of emotions God gave us. But if I stop there—with my heart, I will stay discouraged, maybe even dip into depression.
 
 
So I move from my heart to my mind, to what I know is true—even though I might not feel it.
 
 

  • I don’t feel loved, but I know God loves me (John 3:16).
  • I don’t feel like He’s listening, but I know He leans in close (Psalm 4:3).
  • I don’t feel like I have all I need, but I know He provides for me (Philippians 4:19).
  • I don’t feel like I have good things. But I know He gives me only the best (James 1:17).
  • I don’t feel like I’m going in the right direction. But I know He leads me (Psalm 143:10).
  • I don’t feel like I have anyone who stands up for me. But I know He protects me (Psalm 121:7).

 
 
It’s not “fake it ’til you make it.” It’s an “I don’t feel it. But I don’t have to because I know it!” Why?
 
 

Because I know my God. And I believe His word.

 
 
knowGodwordrev
 
 
See the difference? I’m not stuffing my feelings; I’m acknowledging them and reminding myself I don’t have to rely on them solely. I can rely on what—er, who—I know.
 
 
This is especially important for people who struggle with mental illness, especially depression, like me. Many times, I haven’t felt … anything. This is a daily thing for me. But it’s at those times, when I choose to rely on what I know about my God.
 
 
Start with your heart. And then move to your mind.
 
 
Don’t just feel it. Know it!
 
 
Come alongside… What are you not feeling lately? How can you know it? Share with us in the comments below.
 
 
 
 
 


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Book Review: Still Looking by Vicki Huffman

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Click to Purchase on Amazon. (Note: This is an affiliate link.)

 
When I first submitted my family’s unemployment story to Vicki Huffman, I offered to write a review of her book once it was completed. Only God knew the reason and the season in which I would need to read the inspirational words in Still Looking: Finding the Peace of God in Job Loss.
 
 
When I received Vicki’s book to review several months later, my husband had been once again laid off for no fault of his own. Already, four weeks had passed since the day he showed up for work at his industrial construction job on a Monday morning and everyone had been let go. We were just starting to go through the familiar emotional, practical, and even spiritual fallouts of losing a job when I received the book. As I read through her family’s struggles with job loss—eight in all, I kept tapping the pages of my electronic book reader, saying:
 

“Yes! That’s exactly how I feel. That’s exactly how my husband is responding.”


 
 
Vicki was able to tap into those feelings not only from her own family’s experiences but also by citing renowned psychologists, experts, and everyday people who had the dubious honor of being unemployed at one time or another. She compared unemployment and job loss to the stages of grief and how those who are unemployed—for whatever reason—face similar feelings as those who have experienced loss of any kind—health death, divorce, to name a few. Vicki walks readers through the stages of grief, helping them to see the connections with job loss and how they eventually can move forward with the help of God.
 
 
As I read Still Looking, I began to see stages of grief in my own life—but for different reasons. Last year, I resigned from my corporate job at a Fortune 500 company to become a stay-at-home mom of our three children whom we adopted. Although a joyous occasion for my husband and me—and for our children, I felt the loss of fellowship with coworkers, usefulness and productivity that come from completing projects, and the accolades that accompany great work. I was able to see and work through these issues by reading Vicki’s book. She also helped me to understand the pros and cons of women working outside or inside the home, depending on their circumstances.
 
 

In addition to the emotional issues accompanying unemployment, Vicki offered practical and spiritual insight for times of job loss. She gave tips on how spouses can help and affirm each other during unemployment. As I re-read our own stories that we submitted to Vicki, it reminded me of the many ways my husband and I have supported each other during these times and how we can continue to do so.
 
 
Still Looking is filled with practical and spiritual insight on how to spend time during job loss, as well as other considerations that accompany unemployment, such as the possibilities of relocating and self-employment. Vicki also offers a unique perspective for those who are older and find themselves unemployed.
 
 
I especially liked the “P.S.—Post Job Script” sections that summarized each chapter and provided practical tips on how to move forward in recovery from unemployment. The “Peace to You” sections encouraged me with biblical passages and reminders of the peace of God when money is tight.
 
 
Oftentimes, books on difficult subjects tend to provide trite answers. Not so with Still Looking. It is fresh and original; Vicki Huffman has been there and she gets it.
 
 
From beginning to end, Vicki shows the joys of growing closer to God during times of financial strain. She is a great example of finding true peace during unemployment.
 
 
If I had one critique, it would be this: I would have liked for the book to include a set of study questions, whether at the end of each chapter or at the end of the book. That way, readers could work through the issues in each chapter more readily.
 
 
Regardless, I highly recommend Vicki Huffman’s Still Looking: Finding the Peace of God in Job Loss. It is a great tool to help readers through the valleys of unemployment—not once, but as in our case, several times. Still Looking is ideal for anyone who has a job and feels like it may be time to move on to another job or season in life, or they sense that unemployment might be imminent. It is a great resource for Bible study groups; readers can use it by themselves, with a mentor or counselor, or in a small group format. People in recovery groups also could benefit from it. The book also would be a great gift for someone working through issues of financial struggle.
 
 
Still Looking: Finding the Peace of God in Job Loss is available on Amazon (affiliate link).
 
 
Be blessed!
 
 
Come alongside… Have you experienced job loss? How have you dealt with it? Share in the comments below.
 
 

Miley, The Morning After

 

I didn’t catch the Video Music Awards (VMAs), but after all the chatter the morning after, curiosity got the best of me. So I headed over to YouTube to find out what all the fuss was about. (No, I’m not going to link to it.)

 

After my eyes and heart recovered from Miley Cyrus’ highly inappropriate dance routine in front of millions of people—children included, the thousands of comments from viewers and readers made sense.

 

Many comments, in my opinion, were as distasteful as Miley’s performance itself. But as I wrote in my post about Whitney Houston, we’re all some version of Miley, whether we admit it or not.

 

Miley, The Morning After

 

How many times have we made irrational decisions? Choices that seemed fun at the moment, but the morning after, maybe even hours or seconds after, felt regret, guilt, and shame.

 

  • Erupting in anger.
  • Pulling up the porn just one more time.
  • Binging on fat-laden foods.
  • Downing just one more drink.
  • Having just one more affair.
  • Telling a “little white lie.”

 

I myself have plopped my face into my hands the morning after saying, “What the H-E-double hockey sticks was I thinking?”

 

Miley Cyrus might not be saying that just yet, but I assure you: In time, she will. We all will.

 

We all seek that one thing that will make us feel alive—truly free. And not just free for a moment, but free for a lifetime. We can’t find it on a stage in front of millions of people or in the corner of a dark room with nothing but our conscience. We find it in Jesus.

 

Jesus is what we’re all looking for. Jesus is the only one who grants us freedom with open arms. We won’t be perfect, by any means, and consequences surely will follow. But when we can grasp that He loves us and He delights in us—His beautiful creations, we have no need for the harmful anger, the porn, the binging, the drinks, the affairs, the lies, or the inappropriate dance routines. We know He loves us! And that’s all that matters.

 

The night before—and the morning after.

 

 

Come alongside… When have you made a poor decision? How did you feel afterward? How did you recover? Remember, you can post anonymously.

 
 

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Taking Time to Rest

You might know from my life story that I struggle with several chronic illnesses. You probably wouldn’t know it just from looking at me, though.

 

Like any struggle, some days are better than others. Some weeks are better than others. And maybe, if we’re fortunate, some years are better than others.

 

Lately, it hasn’t been as good for me. And I’ve been struggling keeping up with my writing goals.

 

I’m letting you know so that you will, first and foremost, pray for me, but also understand if you don’t hear from me as regularly.

 

I’m taking some time to rest.

 

You might struggle with chronic issues too.

 

  • Physical illness.
  • Depression.
  • Addictions.
  • Fill-in-the-blank.

 

We probably wouldn’t know it just from looking at you either. Some days might be better for you than others. And the same goes for weeks and years.

 

If it’s been good for you lately, I rejoice with you! And I encourage you to share with others who might be struggling in similar ways.

 

If it has not been as good for you lately, please let me know–I want to pray for you. I hope you, too, will take some time to rest, refresh, and re-energize—not with anything that comes from within you but from God Himself.

 

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:29)

 

 

I’ll refresh tired bodies; I’ll restore tired souls. (Jeremiah 31:25)

 

 

Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

 

 

Remember, there is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). I have had my good seasons, and they have lasted a long while. I’m so grateful. I’ve entered a not-so-good season, and I’m not sure how long it will last. But I do know one thing: I will be in a good season again.

 

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. (Psalm 62:5)

 

 

Time to rest. I’ll be back soon.

 

Come alongside… What do you struggle with? What season is it for you? (Remember, you can comment anonymously.)

 

 

Ooh, a Shortcut…. Not So Fast!

“Momma, momma, why can’t we just take the shortcut?” asked my four-year-old on the way to the doctor. He saw the doctor’s office in the distance and must’ve figured that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line—why not just take it?

 

“Because…”

Longwayrev

 

 

I maneuvered the twists and turns through the medical complex as I tried to think of an answer he could understand.

 

“Sometimes we have to take the long way to get where we’re going.”

 

“But it’s just right there.”

 

“I know. But sometimes we can’t take shortcuts. There might be things we need to see on the long way—maybe something we need to learn.” Like patience, I told myself.

 

Isn’t that like life? Sometimes we’re in a situation for much longer than we anticipated.

 

  • Singleness.
  • Illness.
  • Unemployment.
  • Any type of life transition.

 

Like my son, we might say, “Why can’t we just take a shortcut, Lord?” Or, “Why is this taking so long, Lord?” Or, “How long, Lord?”

 

We’ve all been there.

 

Today, I want to remind you about the Israelites.

 

When the king sent the people out of Egypt, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was the shortest way.

 

God said, “If they have to fight, they might change their minds and go back to Egypt.” So God led them through the desert toward the Red Sea.

 

The Israelites were dressed for fighting when they left the land of Egypt. The Lord showed them the way; during the day he went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud, and during the night he was in a pillar of fire to give them light.

 

In this way they could travel during the day or night. The pillar of cloud was always with them during the day, and the pillar of fire was always with them at night. (Exodus 13:17-22).

 

Dear one, God has a reason for taking you the “long” way. Be assured, that despite how long you’ve been in your situation, He is with you, and He will show you the way. He has not left you.

 

Sometimes it is frustrating to have to take the long route, but remember: We might not understand the road we travel, but we can rest that the Lord will direct our steps (Proverbs 20:24). He has good and perfect gifts in store for us (James 1:17).

 

 

Come alongside… What situation do you find yourself in today? How long have you been there? How can you trust God’s plan for you?

 


 

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Affiliate Disclosure

Daphne Tarango is a participant in affiliate programs with Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, DaySpring, Church Source, Hazelden, Christian Strong (via Conversant and ShareASale). These advertising services are designed to provide a means for sites like DaphneWrites.com to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to said merchants. Some images and articles may contain links to products on merchant sites. Should you choose to make purchases through those links, please understand that I will receive a small commission. Please do not feel like you need to use these links to make any purchases. The links are only for your convenience. Thank you.

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