Got Questions While You’re Safer-at-Home? Me Too. (pt3)
Hi, friends!
How long have you been safer-at-home during this Covid-19 pandemic? Me? Since early-March. 😮
I’ve been keeping up with my daily routines and kept an eye out for any triggers on my mental health. I’m doing much better than the first few days–although my cat went missing for 10 days, so that didn’t help. (By a miracle on Sunday night, we were able to find her a quarter-of-a-mile away past a major intersection. Thank you, NextDoor app!) Her prolonged absence triggered my depression to the point that I had to pull back from anything negative around me or on media–especially social media. I could only take so much.
I appreciate all your comments on my previous posts. Thank you for the ideas you’ve shared and what you’re learning about yourself and others during this time of social distancing. I hope the Scripture verses and songs have blessed your spirit.
Ready for question three?
Here goes…
3. Does “busy-ness” have a hold on my life?
- Do I feel a need to always be doing something?
- Am I staying busy because I dislike the quiet?
- Am I avoiding dealing with issues that need addressing?
I’m usually a homebody, so following orders to stay indoors hasn’t really been much of an issue for me. I’m noticing, though, that as the quarantine gets longer and longer, I’m absorbing the nervous “energy” emanating from my children. People with my type of personality (INFJ) tend to do that–take in the emotions of those around them. And let me tell ya… our children’s “antsy-ness” can get overwhelming, especially if they’re not out doing something, going somewhere–anything but being indoors.
We’ve tried to keep things active and lively with games, challenges, movies, cooking, painting rooms. But all the “busy-ness” is starting to drain me (hubby too). At the beginning of the quarantine, I was eager to tackle projects, take on new hobbies–just something, anything to pass the time and to be productive. The barrage of ideas on social media has gone from helpful to overwhelming. And not just Facebook. LinkedIn too. I’m still seeing ads and specials for a course here, a workshop there. All great things I would, under other circumstances, take interest in. (My hubby will tell you I’m all for taking courses or watching documentaries to learn something new.) 🙂
But something doesn’t quite feel right about it–all the productivity talk during a pandemic. One meme in particular has stuck with me. It’s still making its way around Twitter and LinkedIn.
What do you think about that statement?
At first, I subscribed to that mentality. “I’m disciplined. Let’s do this!” But as time has worn on, I’ve wondered whether evaluating my discipline–and others’–is even fair, let alone now. (It’s also judging.) But what if I’m actually not as disciplined as I thought? Does it matter, especially now?
This type of thinking has sparked false guilt for me and I’m sure countless others during a time of widespread crisis. Am I really guilty of wrongdoing if I am not productive during this pandemic? And by whose standards?
Friends, we aren’t on vacation. Many of us aren’t in the right mindset to spend considerable time on self-help activities, projects, and professional development. I know I’m not. We are hurting. Many of us are uncertain about our health, our jobs, family circumstances, daily living–our very existence. I am. These are not times for constant mental, emotional, and physical action for the sake of being productive, or adding a skill to a resume, or posting another accomplishment on social media. (Regrettably, I’ve done all these.) This time of pandemic is time for compassion for others and for ourselves.
So why do I feel I need to be doing something constantly at a time like this? For me, it probably goes back to my tendency to find my worth in what I do. If I’m not productive right now, am I still enough? If I have nothing to show for my safer-at-home time, was all this a waste of my time? Do I keep hearing the words, “I should be …” running through my mind? Do I have FOMO–fear of missing out? (That’s actually a mental health condition.)
Friends, one thing I’ve learned from my years in recovery (and apparently need a refresher) is that God doesn’t love us more or less based on what we do or don’t do.
3 In the past we also were foolish. We did not obey, we were wrong, and we were slaves to many things our bodies wanted and enjoyed. We spent our lives doing evil and being jealous. People hated us, and we hated each other.
4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior was shown,
5 he saved us because of his mercy. It was not because of good deeds we did to be right with him. He saved us through the washing that made us new people through the Holy Spirit.
6 God poured out richly upon us that Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Savior.
7 Being made right with God by his grace, we could have the hope of receiving the life that never ends. (Titus 3:3-7)
Isn’t it a relief that God loves us for us and not because of anything we do or don’t do? Does it set your heart at ease knowing that God accepts us not because of how much we’ve accomplished, but because of His compassion displayed through Jesus Christ, His son? God is the God of compassion–not of false guilt. He is gentle. He doesn’t push, and He doesn’t drive. He leads and guides. Never with guilt–but with love.
If I’m striving, piling through, and plunging head-first into something I think I should be doing, more often than not, God is not the one leading me to it. (To be clear, I’m not talking about taking on a craft project here and there. That’s self-care. I’m talking about having the drive to do more and more regardless of the situation.)
When I want to be busy and avoid quiet, I go and sit on the wooden bench my hubby built for me. It’s low to the ground on my front lawn. I soak up the sun. (Yay, Vitamin D!)
I love taking off my shoes and wiggling my feet into the grass. There’s something about the pristine and honest quality of the earth beneath your feet. 🙂 It’s easier for me to ask introspective questions and to answer truthfully. Am I staying busy to avoid…
- Interacting with my family members?
- Processing any hurt feelings, anger, or bitterness?
- Facing low self-worth?
Honesty can be challenging, but staying safer-at-home is offering me more opportunities to ensure “busy-ness” isn’t a sign of something deeper.
If you’re struggling with “busy-ness,” listen to one of my favorites: “Be Still, My Soul” by the group Selah.
Stay safe and healthy!
Come alongside… Are you trying to stay productive during this pandemic? Why do you think that’s so? How do you feel about the quiet? Are you avoiding it? What small step can you take to be at peace with silence? Comment in the box below where it says, “Leave a Reply.” Remember, you can comment anonymously.
Got Questions While You’re Safer-at-Home? Me Too. (pt2)
Hi, friends!
How are you doing? No, really–How are you?
To be more specific, how are you really handling this Covid-19 pandemic?
In my previous post, we talked about daily routines. How are you doing with yours? (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m one of those people who asks how you’re doing and really wants to know the answer.) 🙂 Are you sticking to as many of your routines as possible during this safer-at-home time? If not, head over to part 1 of this blog series to read some of the ways our family is maintaining some sense of normalcy while we’re practicing social distancing and doing our best to slow the spread of the virus. I also have some encouragement for you with Scripture verses and a song to add to your playlist. I also received great feedback in the comments! Feel free to add yours.
In this post, I’ll share question two.
Here goes…
2. What am I struggling with most right now??
- What is triggering me?
- How am I coping with added stress?
- Am I distancing and redirecting as necessary?
A couple weeks ago, though, anxiety had crept in and slumped on my chest when the numbers in our state and county started to increase dramatically. The pressure was so bad I burst into tears and hid in my room for a bit. I was thankful for my hubby who slid the pocket door to our bedroom shut and lay on the bed next to me. His presence alone calmed me.
After some introspection and trying to pinpoint when I started to feel even the slightest panic, I uncovered the source: The news. Although I love numbers, I let myself obsess over the flood of information washing into our home and hearts. Have you done this too? It seems anyone and everyone has an opinion on the spread of the pandemic and how to curb it. I allowed myself to be sucked in by all the sources, viewpoints, and even conspiracy theories.
Then came the discussions. I’m not much of a debater; I don’t like confrontation, and I try to avoid it as much as possible. (Ask my hubby.) 🙂 But … this pandemic is a data mine of information and as a data analyst by profession, the sheer amount of information available to mine was like leaving a candy jar open on the counter in front of a child. My candy? The numbers–ones and zeros. Lots of them. The researcher in me wanted to get as much of that information to analyze the trajectory, speed, and extent of the spread of the virus. Listening to press conference after press conference and reading article after article, intensified a drive in me to “join the conversation” among data science experts.
But it wasn’t just the amount of information I was exposing myself to–and the various viewpoints. The seeming randomness of the virus was–and still is–unsettling. What if I’m in the group of people who gets it? What if my immune system is compromised or suppressed? What if I come in contact with someone and don’t know it? What if…?
I’m usually pretty good about what I let into my mind and heart. But this… this coronavirus isn’t just novel in name. It’s novel in its stealth. It made me feel helpless, like nothing I could do–or nothing I stopped doing–would make a bit of difference in whether I contracted it. That alone was enough for me to downward spiral–and without even noticing it.
Since then, we’re distancing and redirecting our attention. First, we’ve turned off the constant barrage of news. We check numbers periodically and rarely listen to the press conferences–unless a major announcement is expected. To stay informed, we’ve tuned into more state and local news, focusing on our local officials’ response to any developments.
The night when it all crumbled on me, we turned on something a little more serene. Little House on the Prairie, the story of a family on their Minnesota farm in the late 1800s. (Have you watched it?) At first, my children scoffed at the idea. But they stuck with it and seemed to enjoy it. I enjoyed showing off my knowledge of who was who in the show, what they were like, and how they were related to the Ingalls family. 🙂
Another evening, we played Bingo! I can’t remember the last time we did that. We’re usually a Yahtzee family. But someone recently gifted us a Bingo game with a Bingo cage! The kids were gracious enough to let me turn the handle on the cage. I didn’t tire of watching the random ball selector pick up a ball and shoot it down the chute. We even took the game up a notch: We played until someone filled up the entire card! The laughter was a much-needed break.
Since then, we’ve played several different games, including some practical jokes. Here’s a picture of us playing, what we call, Corona Yahtzee. Oh, and please disregard my “Quarantine Hair Don’t Care.”
By the way, I won the game. 😉
I’ve been feeling much better since we started distancing and redirecting. We’re also …
- Playing jazz, classical, and worshipful music
- Searching for lizards with the dogs
- Watching online chapel services from my alma mater Lee University. (Here’s the chapel service from Thursday, April 9th.)
- Cutting down on sugar intake
- Using the mini exercise bike my hubby got me as a birthday gift at about the same time our governor issued the safer-at-home order. (You know–the ones that fit under your desk? I’ve even used it while watching television.)
It also helped that it was Holy Week leading up to Easter, so tuning in to our pastor’s nightly devotions titled “Journey to the Cross” helped to offset any challenges of the day. Pastor Aaron’s Easter sermon also was full of hope found in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
I would be remiss if I didn’t also say that I’ve been careful to take my medications on time every time. Can’t mess with the chemistry! 😉
Friends, there are a lot of what-ifs surrounding this time. If we are not careful and intentional about managing potential stressors, anxiety can sneak up on us before we ever even realize it.
Here are some Scriptures I’m keeping in mind …
Our world is turbulent and replete with questions that don’t have answers. But God has given us comfort and peace. In John 14:27 in the Bible, Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Let the Prince of Peace calm the turbulence in our spirits and grant us wisdom and strength as we navigate the waters of this storm.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:25-26)
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. (Psalm 94:19)
Here is a song I sing to my children when we are lacking peace.
Stay safe and healthy!
Come alongside… What is stressing you out during this pandemic? How are you dealing with those triggers? Are you distancing? Redirecting your attention? Comment in the box below where it says, “Leave a Reply.” Remember, you can comment anonymously.
2nd Graders, Field Trips, and Jesus
“This way, kids. Stay with us.”
“Joshua… Joshua, this way, please.”
“Come on, Jasmine. Time to move on.”
Oh, the joys of chaperoning 2nd grade field trips.
We don’t have all 16! Where’s Samuel?!?!
Nine girls, seven boys. Nine girls, seven boys.
I felt like I was corralling them as we walked along—trying to catch glimpses of sharks, goliath groupers, and sea anemones along the way.
I wanted them to enjoy the aquarium to the fullest—protected, safe, without getting lost and scared.
I was there for them.
Dear one, Jesus is there for us too–except He’s not just a chaperone. He is The Great Shepherd.
“This way, Daphne. Stay with me.”
“Daphne… Daphne, this way, please.”
“Daphne, time to move on.”
He doesn’t want to spoil our fun. He loves us and wants us to enjoy life to the fullest. His boundaries protect us, keep us safe, and help us not to get lost or scared along the way.
We might want to go our own way—and many times we do, but Jesus comes back for us.
If a man has a hundred sheep but one of the sheep gets lost, he will leave the other ninety-nine on the hill and go to look for the lost sheep. (Matthew 18:11-14)
When we’re weak, tender, sick, burdened, or hurting, He gathers us in His arms. He carries us close to His heart. He gently leads us (Isaiah 40:11).
***
At the end of the day, we made it back to school with all 16 kids. No major injuries–just a few cuts and scrapes along the way. I set boundaries–they felt loved. Some kids even fought to hold my hand.
“It’s my turn to hold her hand.”
“You already had a turn.”
“Mrs. T., when can I hold your hand?”
Dear one, hold Jesus’ hand. Stay within His boundaries. You will feel His love.
Come alongside… Have you ever been a chaperone? What was that like? Has anyone ever chaperoned you? How has God shepherded you? What is He trying to get across to you? Please share with us in the comments.
Related Products
I Just Want to Hear Your Voice
Last night, I tossed and turned. Stared at the clock. Tried to get comfortable. Fluffed my pillow. Snuggled up in a fetal position. Still couldn’t seem to get there.
1:05
1:30
2:15
2:45
3:10
Sigh.
I guess that’s what I get for drinking coffee, which is not a “regular” thing for me. I’m usually a decaf person. 😉
In the past, I’ve breathed deeply, tried to clear my head, counted sheep. Even cried.
Although I’m not always consistent with it, one thing I’ve started to do whenever I can’t sleep is to pray. Have you tried praying when you can’t sleep?
- For your husband.
- Family.
- Children.
- Friends.
- Work.
- Finances.
- Missionary friends.
- Pastors and church leaders.
- Situations and circumstances—you know, the stuff of life.
- Oh, and for yourself.
You can also thank and praise God when you can’t sleep.
- For His faithfulness.
- Forgiveness.
- His love.
- Jesus Christ.
- Food, shelter.
- Protection.
- Not giving me what I deserve.
- Giving me blessings I didn’t—and couldn’t—earn.
God doesn’t sleep, dear one. He still works when we are fast asleep—or wide awake.
The one who watches over you … never tires and never sleeps (Psalm 121:3-4).
Isn’t that reassuring? God watches over you! Even during the nighttime hours, He’s working things out for your good, for the good of your family, for someone you might not have thought of in years. Sometimes, He wants to hear from you in the middle of the night: What’s on your mind, what’s worrying you, what’s exciting you lately. So he gently nudges you awake. “I want to hear your voice. Can we talk?” Or if you’re already tossing and turning, “Hi, wanna talk?” He longs for it!
O my beloved, lingering in the gardens, how wonderful that your companions can listen to your voice. Let me hear it, too! (Song of Solomon 8:13)
Let me hear your voice. Your voice is so sweet. Your face is so lovely. (Song of Solomon 2:14)
Wow! God longs to hear from you. He desires your heart–and your voice–during your busy day and restless night. To Him, “Every syllable you speak [is] a delicacy to savor” (Song of Solomon 4:11). Oh, how He loves you!
I could’ve had too much coffee. Or maybe God wanted to talk. Or both. Regardless, He wanted to hear my voice. And I, His.
Afterward, sweet dreams.
Come alongside: How do you handle insomnia? Do you pray when you can’t sleep? Do you have a testimony of unknowingly praying for someone during the night, later learning that, at that very moment, they needed prayer? Or maybe you were on the receiving end. Please share with us in the comments. Remember, you can comment anonymously if you so choose.
Related Products
|
|
|
My Drastic Estate
I love estate sales! I’ve been to two in the past month.
Intrigue and wonder fill me as I walk through rooms piecing together people’s lives from what they owned.
- Clothes.
- Cookware.
- Tools.
- Home Décor.
- Movies and books.
Yes, movies and books.
You can tell a lot about someone by what they read, watch, and listen to. Even more, you can tell what will eventually be in someone’s heart by the movies, books, and music they own.
When I was younger, I read ultra-feminist-type books and magazines for teenage girls, listened to all sorts of music, and watched what could be considered “disturbing” movies. I was fascinated by it all—until I started seeing some of those same thoughts, tendencies, attitudes, and actions in myself. I didn’t know it at the time, but eventually I transformed into a woman who would not let any man tell her what to do, who had a filthy mouth, who couldn’t stop lyrics from playing in her mind—even in her sleep. As I woke up one morning, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “Danger! Get on the floor!”—lyrics from gangsta rap artist Mystikal.
Seriously—can you see me listening to gangsta rap?
Anyway… My movies, books, and music even went so far to include pornography.
I had years of deep-seated issues. When I finally set out to identify how I came to be that woman, I realized my movies, books, and music choices were a primary contributor to the person I had become. I had to make some serious changes to try to undo all those years of unhealthy programming in my mind and in my heart.
My choices were drastic to some, but I had to do it for myself. For years, I listened only to instrumental music—no lyrics, watched movies that had no objectionable material—and if they did, I would turn them off. I threw out books and magazines with immoral and suggestive content. I set similar limits on my online surfing.
Today, I listen to music with lyrics again, but I’m still very careful with its content. I’m still very strict with my books, magazines, and computer content. And movies—it’s strange to me that movies I enjoyed years ago—and knew inside out—now don’t pass my test.
Listen to what the Bible says:
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8)
I try to ask myself:
- Is my music gracious and beautiful?
- Are my movies pure, honorable, and respectable?
- Are my books and magazines praiseworthy?
- Is my favorite Internet content moral?
Even more, do I see glimpses of myself in any of my books, movies, music, and Internet content?
The Bible says:
Don’t live any longer the way this world lives. Let your way of thinking be completely changed. Then you will be able to test what God wants for you. And you will agree that what he wants is right. His plan is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
Put another way:
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. (Romans 12:2)
His ways are good and pleasing and perfect, dear one. He grants us peace when we allow Him to renew our minds and restore our hearts.
You will keep in perfect peace all … whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3)
He can change the way we think. He can undo our drastic estate.
The first step is up to us.
Come alongside… What kinds of movies, books, magazines, music, and Internet content are you welcoming into your mind and heart? Who are you becoming? Will you allow God to transform and renew your mind? He can!
