Forgive and Forget? Not Really. (Part 2)
Hi, friends!
Several months ago, I wrote the post, “Forgive and forget? Not Really.” In that post, I said I agreed with the “forgive” part of that age-old saying. (If you haven’t read it yet, hop on over to that post and chime in on our discussion.)
I ended that post saying I would address the “and forget” part in the next post. Summer came and went. So did the holidays, and still no follow-up on the post.
I haven’t wanted to talk about the “and forget” part–much less, blog about it. Several things happened after the first post that have challenged me in the forgiveness department. It’s as if God was saying:
“Do you really believe what you say you believe, Daphne?”
With God’s help, lots of tears, and the help of my family, friends, and my recovery group, I’m working through the forgiveness part–and doing well, at least, for today. 😉
Lately, the “and forget” part has come to mind, which, if you ask me, shows progress. Does that mean I should just go ahead and forget about what happened? Should I erase the bad things that have consumed me for the past year? Do I pretend the harmful things that have dominated every waking–and “sleeping”–moment of my life since early summer no longer matter? No.
Pain matters.
Forgetting the pain my family and I have gone through would also erase the good that has come from it.
- More conversations about feelings and long-standing issues with low self-worth.
- Healthy boundaries.
- New directions for our family.
- A simple life that treasures even the little things.
- Courage to protect myself and my loved ones.
- Restored relationships with estranged family members.
- Right priorities.
- Tighter family relationships.
- Renewed importance of the fragility of life.
- Better listening skills.
- Learning about each others’ lives–things we didn’t know about each other that we will carry with us for years to come.
- Giving and receiving advice across generations.
Who knew that negative situations could produce such positive change? And this is just a short list of good coming from bad! There were plenty of good things in our lives last year. That’s an entirely different list of God’s blessings. Should I forget it all–2014?
When we “forgive and forget,” we essentially tell God our pain is better left in the past. Nothing good has come from it. I am where I am today by my own merit, not anything God has done.
“Forgive and forget” is an affront to the sovereignty of God who turns evil into good (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28).
Pain is important to forgive. It’s also important to remember.
“Forgive and remember” until you can do so without an inkling of anger, bitterness, or revenge. That, my friend, is healing. “Forgive and remember” speaks hope: Look what God did for me in this situation. He can do the same for you. That’s the power of remembering. That’s the hope you can share with others. “Forgive and forget” lacks hope. It has nothing to offer anyone. Your pain is in vain.
My pain is not in vain. God has brought much good from it–and I know He will continue to do so. This is the hope I offer you: God can bring good from whatever wrong was committed against you or whatever hurtful thing was said about you.
Forgive and remember.
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel!
He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Come alongside… Do you agree that you shouldn’t forget the wrongs committed against you? Why or why not? What have you been trying to forget that you need to remember? Please comment in the box below. Remember, you can comment anonymously.
Related Products
Thankful for Abundant Life, Clear Skies, and Stable Booths
Happy Monday, friends!
I hope you had a joyous Easter. We had such powerful worship at our morning church service. It moves me to tears to know my God is alive. And because He lives, we can too. And not just live, but live abundantly.
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)
This past Saturday, I had the privilege of showcasing my books at “Meet the Author on the Park” in Winter Haven, Florida. This event was sponsored by my friends Sandy Knowles at Three Rivers Press and April Whitt at Grapefruit Press.
I met many people and was able to learn about their lives, their interests, and their troubles. Sandy and April, the organizers of the event, offered authors the opportunity to speak to the audience via a loudspeaker system. (Yikes!) I was up for the challenge and spoke to festival-goers about some tips for writing about difficult topics. I also shared about my latest book, Dragonflies, Ketchup, and Late-Night Phone Calls: 31 Days of Journaling God’s Blessings.
I haven’t officially shared with you about this book, which was such an inspiration to me as I wrote it. Dragonflies, Ketchup, and Late-Night Phone Calls is a unique thankfulness journal where you literally “jot down” your thanks to God throughout your day.
Here is a snapshot of one of the chapters.
As you can see, I open each of the 31 days with praise to God and then provide you some space to give thanks to God throughout your day. No journaling for 10, 15, 30 minutes or an hour-not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😉 The approach is to jot down your thanks as you go through your day or when you lie down for the night.
I asked people who stopped by my booth what they were thankful for that very morning and these were some of their answers:
- Shoes on my feet
- That I didn’t have to cook Easter dinner
- That it wasn’t raining (The weather called for rain.)
By the end of the festival, I gave thanks to God that my booth didn’t tumble away with the wind. 🙂
During my 10-minute talk, I was honored to talk about the inspiration for my book, which came about during my husband’s job loss last year. Writing Dragonflies, Ketchup, and Late-Night Phone Calls was my way of keeping a thankful spirit during our financial troubles, our roller coaster feelings of hope and frustration, and all of the emotional, physical, relational, and even spiritual side-effects of such a loss. God truly can help us through difficult times when we are intentional about giving thanks in all circumstances. It’s not easy; it still isn’t, but we have renewed hope and know God has been our provider during this time.
Remember, friends: God might not change your circumstances, but He can change you when you choose to thank Him.
I was also excited to showcase the Spanish version of the book, hot off the press. 🙂
To order the English or Spanish version of Dragonflies, Ketchup, and Late-Night Phone Calls, visit Amazon, CreateSpace, or your preferred online book retailer. You may also purchase a copy here on my Web site, and I will mail you a copy with a message just for you. 🙂
Big hugs. So… What are you thankful for today?
They stood every morning to thank and praise the Lord. They did the same thing every evening. (1 Chronicles 23:30)
News: Lots going on at DaphneWrites
Hi, friends!
The Lord has blessed this ministry a lot in the past couple months. Here’s what’s been going on:
Events
I had some opportunities to display and sell my books at the 4th Annual Polk Writers and Illustrators Festival here in Lakeland, Florida. I met a lot of great people and was able to share my story with them.
I was so proud to be one of six writers from our very own Lakeland Christian Writers, a chapter of American Christian Writers (ACW). Here are some of them.
With April Whitt, author of the Romeo Riley Series, and member of LCW
With Chris Pylant, co-author of A Touch of Heaven, and member of LCW
Beth Miller, co-author of Under His Wings, and member of LCW
I was also invited to display and sell my book at Truth Factory’s artistic production, “Bet on Job.” (That’s Job like Job in the Bible.) 🙂 Here is some information from Truth Factory’s Facebook page:
Truth Factory is “a platform for local Christian artists to share their unique and inspirational gifts with the greater Lakeland community. We strive to encourage creativity which portrays the principles of Christianity in the tangible form of artistic expression. Artists are invited to showcase their talents and demonstrate the breath of creation reflected in their body of work. We promote artistic freedom for artists to express their love of God, to share His message of hope and to communicate their personal experience of Him with others.
I look forward to participating in other Truth Factory productions, along with other local artists.
Books
I’ve been working on two books. One I’ve already written you about in an earlier post. That one is still a little ways off. Be in prayer for that. The other book is further along and will be published in the next few weeks–just in time for the holidays, although it can be used year-round. Be on the lookout for it. I’ll write more about it as we get closer to publication date. And I’ll be holding some giveaways, so watch for those too. 🙂
Affiliate Merchants
I’ve been trying to work on my writing full-time and treating it as the career I want it to be. I’ve also been in prayer about the best ways to supplement my family’s income with the talent God has given me. After much research, I’ve decided to become an affiliate publisher of several big-name and respected merchants: DaySpring, Family Christian Stores, and Amazon. Please know I am in no way employed by these companies. What it does mean is that you might see links and images throughout my web site that advertise products from these merchants. When you click on a link and make a purchase, I might receive a small commission in return. You can read more about my role as an affiliate publisher on my disclosure page.
If you look on the new Resources tab on my web site, you will see several drop-down menus:
- Disclosure
- Printables
- Books, Movies, and More
- Sales and Specials
I hope you will browse around those pages and see what interests you. Share the resources with your friends and family. I will update the products periodically, so check back often.
Phew! That was a lot.
Please keep me in prayer as I continue doing what God has laid on my heart. I want to encourage others with the comfort He has given me. I want everything I do to point to Him.
I love you all.
Big hugs,
Daphne
By the way, what’s going on with you? Share in the comments. I want to join with you in prayer.
Comfort… Coming Right Up! Er, Down!
Ever have someone tell you just what you needed to hear—without your asking?
It happened to me just a few minutes ago.
I’ve posted about my fear of publishing my very own book. I start then I stop. Start. Stop. Start. Stop. Right now, I’m stopped.
I’ve been praying about this because I know that this is what I’m supposed to do–and I want to do it! So I’ve been cuddling up to God the way I’ve posted before so that He’s the only One I see and hear, cheering me on the way He knows best. That’s when I’ve been able to start again.
This morning, a writer friend shared this on Facebook:
Say it to yourself!
Note 2 Self: No matter how afraid, indecisive, uncomfortable or anxious I am about my path, as long as I keep moving I will always make progress.
I really needed to hear that!
I didn’t expect anything more because I had already received the comfort I needed to take another step toward my goal. But when I thanked her, she comforted me even more.
All it takes is one step at a time. That’s how you get to your destination! It took me awhile to write my book. I’d be inspired one second and then once I got closer to completing it I would stop. Once I put aside my fear and anxiety over who would buy it, how would it be perceived, etc. and just finished and published it for the simple fact that it was something I set out to do, then everything else was easy. Most times the voices in our head that keep feeding us doubts and fears don’t know what they’re talking about! LOL
This is just what I’ve needed to get up, head to the office supply store, buy a pack of printer paper, and print out what I have so far.
What comfort!
Dear ones, God places people on our paths for specific reasons. Sometimes, we comfort them. Today, I was the one who needed comfort—though no one knew.
Isn’t God good? He knows just what we need even when we can’t put it into words ourselves.
Also, the Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain. (Romans 8:26)
Once He hears us, He goes into action.
I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers! (Isaiah 65:24)
Dear ones, He answered my prayers–yet again!
I pray blessings on that special person who used her passion for helping others to speak comfort and inspiration into my life just when I needed it most.
Today, someone came alongside me. And today, I come alongside you: God is listening–hang in there. Comfort’s coming right up–er, down!
Come alongside… Has this happened to you? Has someone shared with you something you needed to hear at the very moment you needed it? Scroll down and share it with us in the comments section.
Movies about Encouraging Others
A Lawn Full of Blessings
Ever have someone bless you? Maybe it was something they said or did? I’m sure you have.
Let me ask you this…. Of all people, did you expect that person to be the one to bless you?
An unexpected blessing–from someone I least expected–fell on my lap just this morning.
My husband started a new job last week, and our lawn hadn’t been mown in that time. He usually mows our lawn once a week, using our neighbor’s mower. In return, he also mows that neighbor’s lawn.
It has rained quite a bit in our area lately, and our lawn looks more like stalks of corn. (Okay, so I’m exaggerating.)
Each evening, my husband has come home with the intention of mowing the lawn, but alas, the rain has prevailed.
I guess I should say at this point that I’ve never mown a lawn in my life. Seriously. And with my chronic neck and back pain, I probably shouldn’t be mowing lawns anytime soon.
Nonetheless, after several days of seeing the grass grow exponentially, I decided I would just mow the lawn myself. That way, I could cut the long green blades before the city posted a citation on our door and–more importantly, bless my husband so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it. (I could pay a visit to my chiropractor later on today if I needed it.)
As I was returning from dropping off my kids at school this morning, I prayed, telling God that I wanted to bless my husband by mowing the lawn.
As I parked the car, I noticed another neighbor motioning me to come over. He asked if he could borrow our mower so that he could mow his lawn and he would also mow ours.
“That’s great,” I said, “except it’s not our mower. It’s his mower.” I motioned to our neighbor. “I left him a message this morning to see if I could borrow the mower today.”
“Tell you what,” he said, “If he’ll let me use his mower, I’ll mow your lawn, my lawn, and his lawn.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. That way, Luis [that’s my husband’s name] doesn’t have to worry about it.”
“Wow!” My voice started to shake. “What a blessing! I’ll let you know when I hear from him.”
I literally skipped inside the house—a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.
“What a blessing!”
Long story short… The neighbor is outside—at this very moment—mowing my lawn.
This man—one who keeps to himself, hardly ever says a word—has blessed me. I know God sent him to me today to show me that He is in control of everything—even my lawn.
My heart beats with excitement: Luis will be so surprised!
In the meantime, I can enjoy the sweet smell of freshly cut grass!
Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure-pressed down, shaken together, and running over-will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. (Luke 6:38)
How about you? Do you have a story about how God blessed you using a person you least expected? Share it with us.
Encouragement to Reach Out to Others in Need
