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Accountability… Who Needs It?

My heart hurts, I have a knot in my throat, and I want to cry.


I’ve just learned that a dear friend–one I haven’t talked to in a long time–is now leading a self-destructive lifestyle.


My heart hurts for her. I never would have imagined this. I saw a picture of her today and she looked…totally different from what I remember.



I know she is responsible–as are each of us–for our actions, but I’ve got to wonder… Where where her friends–myself included, her family, her pastor? Did anyone talk to her about the road she was headed? Did anyone even bother to ask her what was wrong? Even more, did she seek out help? Did she feel safe enough to say she was hurting? Did she…?


Dear one, I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. But it certainly reminds me of experiences in my life when I was hurting. Divorce. Depression. Trauma. Illness. Did anyone approach me and ask what was wrong? Did anyone say, “I’ve noticed you are having a difficult time. Do you want to talk about it?” Did my pastors counsel and encourage me? Even more, did I seek out help? Did I feel safe enough to say I was hurting? Did I take down my mask of seeming perfection and share my struggles with trusted friends? Did I…?


Some of these answers might be, “Yes.” Others might be, “No.” And yet others might be, “Kinda.”


Regardless, silence prolongs pain–mine, my friend’s and yours.


“When I kept things to myself, I felt weak deep inside me. I moaned all day long” (Psalm 32:3).



I know it can be awkward to approach someone about their personal struggles, but wouldn’t we want the same?


“Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path” (Galatians 6:1).



Dear ones, we are not meant to fight our battles alone.


“A friend loves you all the time, and a brother helps in time of trouble” (Proverbs 17:17).


“Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. If two lie down together, they will be warm, but a person alone will not be warm. An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves; a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).



If you are hurting, reach out to someone–a friend, family member, coworker, pastor, or a counselor.


If you see someone hurting, reach out. Please come alongside them. Please love them. A hurting person is just that–a real person, someone’s son or daughter, someone’s husband or wife, someone’s friend–God’s creation.


None of us is exempt from suffering. None of us is exempt from temptation. None of us is exempt from falling (1 Corinthians 10:12).


Accountability… Who needs it? We all do.


Come alongside… Are you hurting? What steps can you take to reach out? Do you know someone who is hurting? How can you reach out to them? Will you forward this post to them? Will you love them?


Music to Encourage You to Open Up


7 Responses to Accountability… Who Needs It?

  • B.M. says:

    Wow this really touched my life Daphne. I need those kind of people in my life right now. I am going through some hard times. Not having a job and then me going back to school starting in January will be tough. I am also struggling with temptation to want to have intercourse. I am trying not to fall off the wagon but it is not easy.

    • Daphne says:

      Thanks for sharing, dear one.

      These are certainly some difficult things you’re going through. I hope you have an accountability partner to talk about these things. If not, I pray that God shows you the right person to confide in.

      Father, I pray for my brother or sister who needs your strength to get through these hard times. I pray you grant them favor for a job. Help them as they start up school again. Help them to be diligent in studies and to work in all things as if they were working for you–because they are. I pray, my Father, for their sexual struggles. Help them to stand strong in their singleness. Give them the strength that only comes from you. Bless them for wanting to follow your commands. I thank you for these things, knowing that you have heard our prayers and that my dear brother or sister will soon stand in front of others to thank you for being faithful and coming through for him/her.

      Big hugs! Let me know how things are going for you.

  • GuichT says:

    Sometimes, for whatever reasons, the people closest to those that are strugling or going thru tempting times just stay quiet and say nothing. I dont understand. There is no outstretched hand, no olive branch, no asking the hurting person, “is everything ok?” I experienced this a few years ago. When I questioned friends and family about why they stood by and did or said nothing, they simply said it was none of their business or that this person had the right to make whatever choice or decision they wanted. I dont understand why?? It’s like they gave up..

    • Daphne says:

      Thanks for chiming in, GuichT.

      To a certain extent, it is our business, isn’t it? I am not a very good friend if I say it’s not. I would want someone close to me to make it their business too.


  • Maggie says:

    I can totally relate to your post. I often hear the Lord whisper to me “speak the truth in love”. Trusting God for the right words and timing… Letting go of the outcome… All part of the accountability piece.

    Let’s continue to pray for those that need to hear today. Blessings!

    • Daphne says:

      You make great points, Maggie.

      Speak the truth in love.
      Trust God for the right words and timing.
      Letting go of the outcome.

      Once we’ve done the first two, I think the third comes a little easier. We’ve done our part, and the rest is theirs to own.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  • Pingback: Relapse Ain’t Got Nothin’ on My Recovery Group | Daphne E. Tarango

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