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Self-esteem

Got Questions While You’re Safer-at-Home? Me Too. (pt3)


Hi, friends!

How long have you been safer-at-home during this Covid-19 pandemic? Me? Since early-March. 😮

I’ve been keeping up with my daily routines and kept an eye out for any triggers on my mental health. I’m doing much better than the first few days–although my cat went missing for 10 days, so that didn’t help. (By a miracle on Sunday night, we were able to find her a quarter-of-a-mile away past a major intersection. Thank you, NextDoor app!) Her prolonged absence triggered my depression to the point that I had to pull back from anything negative around me or on media–especially social media. I could only take so much.

I appreciate all your comments on my previous posts. Thank you for the ideas you’ve shared and what you’re learning about yourself and others during this time of social distancing. I hope the Scripture verses and songs have blessed your spirit.

Ready for question three?


Here goes…


3. Does “busy-ness” have a hold on my life?

  • Do I feel a need to always be doing something?
  • Am I staying busy because I dislike the quiet?
  • Am I avoiding dealing with issues that need addressing?

I’m usually a homebody, so following orders to stay indoors hasn’t really been much of an issue for me. I’m noticing, though, that as the quarantine gets longer and longer, I’m absorbing the nervous “energy” emanating from my children. People with my type of personality (INFJ) tend to do that–take in the emotions of those around them. And let me tell ya… our children’s “antsy-ness” can get overwhelming, especially if they’re not out doing something, going somewhere–anything but being indoors.

We’ve tried to keep things active and lively with games, challenges, movies, cooking, painting rooms. But all the “busy-ness” is starting to drain me (hubby too). At the beginning of the quarantine, I was eager to tackle projects, take on new hobbies–just something, anything to pass the time and to be productive. The barrage of ideas on social media has gone from helpful to overwhelming. And not just Facebook. LinkedIn too. I’m still seeing ads and specials for a course here, a workshop there. All great things I would, under other circumstances, take interest in. (My hubby will tell you I’m all for taking courses or watching documentaries to learn something new.) 🙂

But something doesn’t quite feel right about it–all the productivity talk during a pandemic. One meme in particular has stuck with me. It’s still making its way around Twitter and LinkedIn.


What do you think about that statement?

At first, I subscribed to that mentality. “I’m disciplined. Let’s do this!” But as time has worn on, I’ve wondered whether evaluating my discipline–and others’–is even fair, let alone now. (It’s also judging.) But what if I’m actually not as disciplined as I thought? Does it matter, especially now?

This type of thinking has sparked false guilt for me and I’m sure countless others during a time of widespread crisis. Am I really guilty of wrongdoing if I am not productive during this pandemic? And by whose standards?

Friends, we aren’t on vacation. Many of us aren’t in the right mindset to spend considerable time on self-help activities, projects, and professional development. I know I’m not. We are hurting. Many of us are uncertain about our health, our jobs, family circumstances, daily living–our very existence. I am. These are not times for constant mental, emotional, and physical action for the sake of being productive, or adding a skill to a resume, or posting another accomplishment on social media. (Regrettably, I’ve done all these.) This time of pandemic is time for compassion for others and for ourselves.

So why do I feel I need to be doing something constantly at a time like this? For me, it probably goes back to my tendency to find my worth in what I do. If I’m not productive right now, am I still enough? If I have nothing to show for my safer-at-home time, was all this a waste of my time? Do I keep hearing the words, “I should be …” running through my mind? Do I have FOMO–fear of missing out? (That’s actually a mental health condition.)

Friends, one thing I’ve learned from my years in recovery (and apparently need a refresher) is that God doesn’t love us more or less based on what we do or don’t do.


3 In the past we also were foolish. We did not obey, we were wrong, and we were slaves to many things our bodies wanted and enjoyed. We spent our lives doing evil and being jealous. People hated us, and we hated each other.

4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior was shown,

5 he saved us because of his mercy. It was not because of good deeds we did to be right with him. He saved us through the washing that made us new people through the Holy Spirit.

6 God poured out richly upon us that Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Savior.

7 Being made right with God by his grace, we could have the hope of receiving the life that never ends. (Titus 3:3-7)



Isn’t it a relief that God loves us for us and not because of anything we do or don’t do? Does it set your heart at ease knowing that God accepts us not because of how much we’ve accomplished, but because of His compassion displayed through Jesus Christ, His son? God is the God of compassion–not of false guilt. He is gentle. He doesn’t push, and He doesn’t drive. He leads and guides. Never with guilt–but with love.

If I’m striving, piling through, and plunging head-first into something I think I should be doing, more often than not, God is not the one leading me to it. (To be clear, I’m not talking about taking on a craft project here and there. That’s self-care. I’m talking about having the drive to do more and more regardless of the situation.)

When I want to be busy and avoid quiet, I go and sit on the wooden bench my hubby built for me. It’s low to the ground on my front lawn. I soak up the sun. (Yay, Vitamin D!)
Watch my veggies sprout from the dirt.
Or admire the array of birds stopping by my birdfeeders.
And the squirrels hijacking their seeds.

I love taking off my shoes and wiggling my feet into the grass. There’s something about the pristine and honest quality of the earth beneath your feet. 🙂 It’s easier for me to ask introspective questions and to answer truthfully. Am I staying busy to avoid…
  • Interacting with my family members?
  • Processing any hurt feelings, anger, or bitterness?
  • Facing low self-worth?

Honesty can be challenging, but staying safer-at-home is offering me more opportunities to ensure “busy-ness” isn’t a sign of something deeper.


If you’re struggling with “busy-ness,” listen to one of my favorites: “Be Still, My Soul” by the group Selah.


httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98DOyQceJL0




Stay safe and healthy!

Come alongside… Are you trying to stay productive during this pandemic? Why do you think that’s so? How do you feel about the quiet? Are you avoiding it? What small step can you take to be at peace with silence? Comment in the box below where it says, “Leave a Reply.” Remember, you can comment anonymously.


Questions in this Series
1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5


Go Ahead, Give Yourself Some Love

 

I’ve been wanting—er, needing—a massage for months now.

 

Yes, I said need—for my chronic pain, of course. 🙂

 

Seriously… right now, a visit to my massage therapist Debbie would do wonders for me—physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually. But I’ve been depriving myself of it—for a number of reasons:

  • I don’t have time.
  • I don’t have the money—or I can use the money for something else—or someone else.
  • I don’t really need it now—I can make it a little longer.
  • I feel guilty.

 

Can you relate? Maybe it’s not about the massage for you. Maybe it’s:

  • Getting pedicures—yes, guys, you can get pedicures too. 😉
  • Indulging in chocolate ice cream—or ice cream, in general.
  • Snuggling with a book.
  • Taking a nature walk all by yourself. For us mothers, it could be just being by ourselves.
  • You name it.

 

What have you been depriving yourself of that would do wonders for you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually?

 

And now the bigger question:

 

 

Why have you been depriving yourself of it?

 

 

I’m not talking about unhealthy habits or addictions. Rather, I’m talking about those things that make us feel loved.

 

Please hear my  heart, dear one. You don’t have to wait for someone else to love you. Love yourself—Jesus said so!

 

 

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. (Matthew 22:39)

 

 

God’s not talking about a narcissistic, sinful, lustful kind of “love.” He says do good to yourself, look after yourself—your body, your mind, your soul. And this, not only when you feel you’ve earned it, but routinely and unconditionally loving yourself in healthy ways that say…

 

 

“I love God, and I love myself.”

 

 

That’s a hard thing for codependents: Loving ourselves. We prefer to look after others, sometimes forgetting about ourselves completely. We fear we’re not worth being loved. We deny our feelings—and many times, our needs. We don’t love ourselves.

 

But God loves you, dear one. And I’m sure you love God. And because you do, He wants you to honor Him by pausing from work, obligations, roles and responsibilities to spend some time on yourself. God gives you permission to love yourself. In fact, He commands you.

 

So go ahead, give yourself some love.

 

 

Hmm… Where’s Debbie’s phone number?

 

 

Come alongside… What makes you feel loved? Have you been depriving yourself of it? How do you feel knowing that God gives you permission to love yourself? What steps can you take to love yourself today? Share with us in the comments section below.

 

God Gave Us The Works

It’s every little girl’s dream–a princess party. We took it one step further: We made it a princess spa party.

 

  • Eight little girls.
  • Giggling.
  • Primping.
  • Getting royal treatment.

 

A hostess took their name, asked what spa services they desired–hair, nails, makeup, or the works. Of course, each little girl asked for the works. While they waited for their names to be called, they enjoyed mini scones with various jams, jellies, and preserves.

 

 

We took them back into the spa room three at a time.

  • Two hair stations.
  • A makeup station.
  • And a manicure station.

 

My station? Hair!

 

“So, what is the occasion?”

 

“We’re going to a princess party. We want to look beautiful.”

 

“Look beautiful?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Look beautiful.

 

I don’t know about you, but I’m 35, and want to look beautiful. Every little girl wants to look beautiful.

 

 

As I combed each girl’s long locks, it occurred to me: These girls don’t need to look beautiful. They are beautiful.

 

Even before I started working on them, they were beautiful.

 

  • No makeup.
  • No manicured nails.
  • No fancy hairdos.

 

I looked each of them in their eyes when they came to my station. “You are beautiful.”

 

Dear one, you too are beautiful. I am beautiful. We are all beautiful in our Father’s eyes. We are His most precious possession (Zechariah 2:8), His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). He alone created our inner beings and knit us together in our mothers’ wombs. We are amazingly and miraculously made (Psalm 139: 13-18).

 

We don’t need a lot of makeup, perfectly manicured nails, and fancy hairdos to be beautiful–although those things are nice from time to time–even for little girls.

 

Our beauty comes from within. It comes from Him.

 

God gave us the works!

 

Come alongside…What have you used to make you look beautiful? Do you believe you are beautiful? Who needs to hear that they, too, are beautiful? Will you share this with them today?

Embracing my Uniqueness

Dogs descended on downtown Lakeland yesterday for the Dog Days of Summer Pooch Parade.

 

  • Poodles.
  • Miniature Dachshunds.
  • Irish Wolfhounds.
  • Great Danes.
  • Yorkies.
  • And my favorite – Basset hounds. No, I’m not partial.

I was simply amazed at the uniqueness of each dog. Even dogs of the same breed differed from one another.

 

  • Black.
  • White.
  • Red-black brindle.
  • Blue merle.
  • Chestnut.
  • And my favorite – orange and white. Again, I’m not partial.

My husband, my basset, and I snagged a bench to rest and to people-watch–one of our favorite pastimes. Yes, our dog loves it too.

 

As I observed owners and their dogs, I was intrigued at how freely people approached one another to love on the dogs and to start conversations with their owners. Even when we approached owners and their dogs, we marveled at the uniqueness and beauty of each pooch. Although owners were surely partial to their own dogs, they didn’t seem to let that stop them from approaching and getting to know others. They embraced their dog’s uniqueness and the uniqueness of others.

 

That made me wonder…

 

Do I accept and celebrate my uniqueness in Christ? Do I accept and celebrate the uniqueness of those around me?

 

 

For years, I hid the natural textures of my hair; I wanted straight hair–not wild curls. As I grew in my relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I came to believe that He made all the delicate, inner parts of my body–including my kinky curls. He knit me together into a wonderfully complex being. I am His marvelous handiwork (Psalms 139:13-14). Yes, there have been other things I’ve wanted to change about myself, but suffice to say that God made me like no other person on this earth.

 

Dear one, God made you like no other person on this earth. You are wonderfully made! There may be things you want to change about yourself–such as your hair, illness or disability, the color of your skin, your size, even other parts of your body. Yes, there are things we could do to take care of God’s temple–our bodies–but God loves you and knows everything about you–down to the last detail–even the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30)! You are not humdrum. God is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45:11).

 

God is enthralled by the beauty in each of us. Marvel at His handiwork–at home, at work, at church, at the homeless shelter and the street corner. Embrace your uniqueness and the uniqueness of those around you. I’ve embraced mine.

 

Come alongside…What have you been trying to change about yourself? What can you do to accept and embrace your uniqueness? What can you do to interact with those who differ from you? How can you share this good news with others?

Affiliate Disclosure

Daphne Tarango is a participant in affiliate programs with Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, DaySpring, Church Source, Hazelden, Christian Strong (via Conversant and ShareASale). These advertising services are designed to provide a means for sites like DaphneWrites.com to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to said merchants. Some images and articles may contain links to products on merchant sites. Should you choose to make purchases through those links, please understand that I will receive a small commission. Please do not feel like you need to use these links to make any purchases. The links are only for your convenience. Thank you.