7 Questions for When You Want to Stand Up for Your Beliefs
Hi, friends!
Ever have to stand up for what you believe, knowing it might cost you something?
- A relationship
- A job
- Your freedom
- Your life
Standing up for your convictions can be difficult, especially when you’re codependent.
Recently, I wrestled with this very issue. And when I say I wrestled with it, I mean I thought of it during the day and dreamed about it at night.
I had no clue I was walking into a situation that was against my beliefs, but when confronted with it, I wanted out.
The codependent side of me, however, crawled up my arm, propped itself onto my shoulder, inched up to my ear, and whispered its oh-too-familiar lies.
You’ll disappoint everyone.
What will they say?
They won’t talk to you again, they won’t want anything to do with you, they’ll talk behind your back. They’ll say you’re weak.
You think you’re all that—holier than everyone else. You’re nothing. You’re a disappointment—even to yourself.
The enemy sure knows my insecurities! He can prick any of these issues and usually get a reaction out of me.
I knew right from wrong, and I wasn’t afraid to say so—tactfully, of course. I didn’t point fingers. I didn’t judge. I simply said I couldn’t participate, and I said why.
Did my voice waver? Sure it did. Was I nervous? You bet!
But I did it: I stood up for my beliefs.
Their response? Cricket. Cricket. But… it didn’t matter—not then, not now.
I knew who I wanted to please—and I followed through. (Wish I could always say that!)
Am I now trying to get people to think well of me? Or do I want God to think well of me? Am I trying to please people? If I were, I would not be serving Christ. (Galatians 1:10)
For me, it was either please God or please others, not both.
As I think about what happened, I now see seven questions that could help me make the right choice next time. I hope these seven questions help you too.
1. How am I feeling?
When something triggers our convictions, our conscience sends up red flags. Our palms sweat, our heart races, and we feel tingling in our armpits (or is that just me?). If we’re showing physical signs of excitement, we’re already not thinking clearly because our emotions are taking over. That’s when we’re more likely to react and make a rash decision (Mark 6:22). Being aware of our emotions when confronted with a compromising situation helps us to step back before making a wrong decision.
2. How does this issue or situation line up with what I believe?
Although few things in life are black and white, there are absolutes. God’s word is absolute. When we use the Bible to define right and wrong, we’ll know when we face something that goes against our beliefs. Even if the Bible doesn’t address an issue specifically, we can still apply Biblical principles to our decision-making to help us align with God’s definitions of right and wrong. Knowing our boundaries and committing to them ahead of time is essential. Decisions made on the spot tend to miss God’s mark (Matthew 26:69-75).
3. Am I feeling pressured to compromise?
When we’re surrounded by people who disagree with our beliefs—whether in words or actions, it’s tempting to go along with them. Peer pressure does exist, but it’s usually not as obvious as in childhood. (Thank goodness!) Indirect peer pressure is more common among adults. It’s also more subtle. If we’re not careful, our silence can signal acceptance. Remember, appeasing others displeases God (Mark 15:1-15).
4. Am I pressuring myself?
Oftentimes, others don’t pressure us; we pressure ourselves. Although we know right from wrong, we reason that if we follow others, we’ll finally belong. But if we stand up, we risk standing alone. Isolation is scary because God made us for relationship—with Him. When we believe that the Lord our God made us to belong to Him, not to anyone else, we know that even if we stand alone, we are never alone. We have Him. He has us. The pressure we place on ourselves to belong to others ignores the fact that we are already His (Psalm 73:23-26).
5. Who can my decision impact?
When we compromise our beliefs, we’re not the only ones to feel the results. Our families, friends, even fellow believers can suffer because of our hasty decisions (Exodus 34:5-7). Our life will look different after our fateful choice—for better or worse. Our words and actions will either build up others or tear them down. They’ll either spread the hope of God or hinder His work. Our words can give life or death (Proverbs 18:21). Our split-second decisions can confuse or even tempt others to do the same (Romans 14:21; 15:1-2; 1 Corinthians 8:13).
6. Who will I please?
Before receiving Jesus into our lives, we made decisions based on our own judgment or that of others. When we became Christians, we gave Jesus our allegiance (2 Timothy 2:4). When we do what He says is right, instead of what feels right, we please Him (Romans 8:8). We yield ourselves to His desires, His interests, His definitions of right and wrong. Basically, we do what He wants us to do. Even Christ did not please himself; instead, He did whatever pleased the Father (John 8:28-29; Romans 15:3). We follow His example.
7. How can I show God’s love?
Choosing to do what’s right, instead of what’s popular, doesn’t mean we have to be obnoxious, judgmental, or rude. We can make our decision and, if necessary, state our reason, all the while showing the gentleness of our example, Jesus Christ. When we make the right choice but express it in the wrong way, we accomplish the opposite of what God wants—for all to see Jesus through us and be drawn to Him now and for all eternity (Proverbs 12:18; 13:3; Colossians 4:6).
I slept soundly that night. Having a clear conscience has a way of doing that. The truth always sets us free (John 8:32).
Finally, brothers and sisters, we taught you how to live in a way that pleases God. In fact, that is how you are living. In the name of the Lord Jesus we ask and beg you to do it more and more. (1 Thessalonians 4:1)
Come alongside… Have you ever had to stand up for your beliefs? How did it go? If you haven’t had to stand up for your beliefs, what do you think would be most difficult for you? How can you prepare in the event that you will have to do so in the future? Tell us about it below in the box that says, “Leave a Reply.”
Miley, The Morning After
I didn’t catch the Video Music Awards (VMAs), but after all the chatter the morning after, curiosity got the best of me. So I headed over to YouTube to find out what all the fuss was about. (No, I’m not going to link to it.)
After my eyes and heart recovered from Miley Cyrus’ highly inappropriate dance routine in front of millions of people—children included, the thousands of comments from viewers and readers made sense.
Many comments, in my opinion, were as distasteful as Miley’s performance itself. But as I wrote in my post about Whitney Houston, we’re all some version of Miley, whether we admit it or not.
How many times have we made irrational decisions? Choices that seemed fun at the moment, but the morning after, maybe even hours or seconds after, felt regret, guilt, and shame.
- Erupting in anger.
- Pulling up the porn just one more time.
- Binging on fat-laden foods.
- Downing just one more drink.
- Having just one more affair.
- Telling a “little white lie.”
I myself have plopped my face into my hands the morning after saying, “What the H-E-double hockey sticks was I thinking?”
Miley Cyrus might not be saying that just yet, but I assure you: In time, she will. We all will.
We all seek that one thing that will make us feel alive—truly free. And not just free for a moment, but free for a lifetime. We can’t find it on a stage in front of millions of people or in the corner of a dark room with nothing but our conscience. We find it in Jesus.
Jesus is what we’re all looking for. Jesus is the only one who grants us freedom with open arms. We won’t be perfect, by any means, and consequences surely will follow. But when we can grasp that He loves us and He delights in us—His beautiful creations, we have no need for the harmful anger, the porn, the binging, the drinks, the affairs, the lies, or the inappropriate dance routines. We know He loves us! And that’s all that matters.
The night before—and the morning after.
Come alongside… When have you made a poor decision? How did you feel afterward? How did you recover? Remember, you can post anonymously.
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Go Ahead, Give Yourself Some Love
I’ve been wanting—er, needing—a massage for months now.
Yes, I said need—for my chronic pain, of course. 🙂
Seriously… right now, a visit to my massage therapist Debbie would do wonders for me—physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually. But I’ve been depriving myself of it—for a number of reasons:
- I don’t have time.
- I don’t have the money—or I can use the money for something else—or someone else.
- I don’t really need it now—I can make it a little longer.
- I feel guilty.
Can you relate? Maybe it’s not about the massage for you. Maybe it’s:
- Getting pedicures—yes, guys, you can get pedicures too. 😉
- Indulging in chocolate ice cream—or ice cream, in general.
- Snuggling with a book.
- Taking a nature walk all by yourself. For us mothers, it could be just being by ourselves.
- You name it.
What have you been depriving yourself of that would do wonders for you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even spiritually?
And now the bigger question:
Why have you been depriving yourself of it?
I’m not talking about unhealthy habits or addictions. Rather, I’m talking about those things that make us feel loved.
Please hear my heart, dear one. You don’t have to wait for someone else to love you. Love yourself—Jesus said so!
Love your neighbor as you love yourself. (Matthew 22:39)
God’s not talking about a narcissistic, sinful, lustful kind of “love.” He says do good to yourself, look after yourself—your body, your mind, your soul. And this, not only when you feel you’ve earned it, but routinely and unconditionally loving yourself in healthy ways that say…
“I love God, and I love myself.”
That’s a hard thing for codependents: Loving ourselves. We prefer to look after others, sometimes forgetting about ourselves completely. We fear we’re not worth being loved. We deny our feelings—and many times, our needs. We don’t love ourselves.
But God loves you, dear one. And I’m sure you love God. And because you do, He wants you to honor Him by pausing from work, obligations, roles and responsibilities to spend some time on yourself. God gives you permission to love yourself. In fact, He commands you.
So go ahead, give yourself some love.
Hmm… Where’s Debbie’s phone number?
Come alongside… What makes you feel loved? Have you been depriving yourself of it? How do you feel knowing that God gives you permission to love yourself? What steps can you take to love yourself today? Share with us in the comments section below.
Guest Post: Love Twisted. Love Defined.
I am honored to have my dear friend, Sara Robillard, as my guest blogger for today. Sara and I have known each other several years, and she is truly the sister I never had. She is my “Sissy.” Sara is one of the best lyricists I know. She writes recovery testimonies and recovery-related blogs. She’s also a ghost writer for a non-profit organization. Sara’s story is one of hope and healing. I’m honored to have my Sissy share her heart with you today and hope you will be blessed by her story, “Love Twisted. Love Defined.”
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“Love Twisted. Love Defined.”
by Sara Robillard
Find Sara on Twitter
Love.
Love twisted. Love Defined.
That’s been my life thus far in a nutshell.
As a victim of physical, sexual, spiritual and psychological abuses for the first 20+ years of my life, it’s safe to say I felt pretty screwed up coming out of it. I had seen despair, I had felt hopelessness, but never as profoundly as I did entering recovery. I began to understand that I was being held accountable, and I needed to trust God if I had any chance of surviving. I fought it at first. I had my own way of dealing with things, but God began to break through all my mechanisms, drawing me to Himself. At the end of a long, weary battle, I found myself on my knees, my heart absolutely crushed, and throwing myself at Christ. He finally became my source of life, of hope, of love. No more idols. No more ideals. No more disappointment.
I struggled with how to handle this love relationship I had with God. I had been told I was “loved” before, but that was the twisted sort. Taking and demanding. Using and abusing. Based on merit and emotion. I turned to His word, looking for the truth. And I found it. I found it in the example of Christ, in His action upon the cross out of love for me (1 John 4:9). I found it demonstrated through His people as they ministered to me (1 John 4:11-12). I found it as I began to understand how to express my love to Him through simple obedience (1 John 5:2-3).
He chose me. He set me apart to be His own before the world began. I know that I have never been alone. And I am constantly being romanced by Him in all that is around me. Somehow, I have found myself desperately in love, going from one extreme to another. I have no idea how it happened…it was so subtle, so profound, so beautiful.
And to think, this is what He desires for us all.
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Come alongside…Has love been twisted for you? Can you allow God to define it? Comment below.
I am like Whitney
I didn’t believe it when I first heard the news early this week, but alas, it was true: Whitney Houston was dead. I tried to keep it together, but I admit: I cried–a lot. She was my favorite singer growing up. I wanted to be–and sing–like Whitney. What girl in the ’80s and ’90s didn’t?
I’m not sure how or why her life ended so soon. But as I thought about her life, I was saddened. What made it worse were comments from people who were quick to judge her and her actions.
Dear friend, please hear my heart…
- We all have issues.
- We all sin.
- Whitney was no exception.
- Neither am I.
- Neither are you.
God has used my life experiences–good and bad–to show me one life-changing Truth.
- Any person can make unhealthy choices.
- Any person can make a mistake.
- Any person can fall.
- I can be that person.
What separates my life from Whitney’s?
- The cameras.
- The tabloids.
- The news.
Her private mistakes were made public. Her unhealthy choices were publicized for the world to see. Her addictions were on the little screen and on the front pages of newspapers and magazines.
What about me? My mistakes? My unhealthy choices? My addictions? They remain mine and mine alone–hidden from view of the world, my workplace, my church, my friends, and even my family. I am no better, no worse than Whitney. It just so happens that my issues are not on display for the world to see. Nor would I want them to be.
Dear one, I don’t want to judge others. I don’t want to pick on them, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults (Matthew 7:1-6). Instead, I pray for God to have mercy on me, for I–like Whitney–am a sinner (Luke 18:9-14). I–like Whitney–need Jesus to remove the deep stain of all my sins–public and private. I need to be as clean as freshly-fallen snow (Isaiah 1:18).
We are all like Whitney. But this I know… Jesus loves Whitneys.
Come alongside… Have you been judged? Have you judged others? How do you feel when you hear that we all have issues and are all sinners? What sins do you need to confess today? Can you accept that Jesus loves you? He does, you know…
