Relapse Ain’t Got Nothin’ on My Recovery Group
Hi, friends!
Let’s talk recovery. More specifically, relapse.
We see it over and over again on the news, mainly with celebrities whose relapse into addictions and unhealthy behaviors results in death. Singer Whitney Houston comes to mind. Just this week, actor Philip Seymour Hoffman died after being clean more than two decades. He relapsed last year.
This isn’t just about celebrities. We see relapse more and more in the lives of those around us—family, friends, acquaintances, even people at church. We might be the ones in relapse.
I’ve relapsed.
This past year has been incredibly difficult for me: Emotional stress, financial issues, and tense relationships. Like others in recovery, I’ve had a hard time not falling back into old habits when I face triggers. I’ve had some missteps–even skidding back to square one in several areas. I’ll be honest: I wasn’t practicing what I wrote two years ago about preventing and reversing relapse:
- Reflect
- Expose your triggers and plan your escape strategies
- Look up and re-learn scripture passages
- Activate your accountability partners
- Pray, pray, pray
- Share your story
- Evaluate regularly
(You can find more detailed explanations about each of these tips in part one and part two from 2012.)
One thing has been important for me to step back onto–and stay on–my recovery path:
I started attending weekly recovery group meetings again.
Recovery groups aren’t just for people who struggle with drugs or alcohol. Recovery groups are for people who struggle with anger, codependency, food addictions, workaholism, pornography addictions, fear and worry, trust, and so much more. People like me and possibly you.
I made a lot of progress when I was attending group, so I didn’t see the need to keep going once I was “better.” Now I remember why it’s important to attend my recovery group regularly. I have people who hold me accountable. They don’t judge me, criticize me, or look at me any differently when I make a bad choice. They listen, understand, and love me no matter what. My recovery group keeps me from relapsing. They are my family.
Attending weekly also helps me to live consistently, my word for this year.
I don’t know why I ever stopped attending. 😉
Today, I encourage you: If you’re struggling to stay on your recovery path–or if you’re already on an unhealthy and destructive path, find a recovery group in your area. Celebrate Recovery is a great place to get connected. You’ll meet with others who will walk with you, encourage you, and love you.
Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn’t have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him! Or suppose two people lie down together. Then they’ll keep warm. But how can one person keep warm alone? One person could be overpowered. But two people can stand up for themselves. And a rope made out of three cords isn’t easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Don’t go it alone. Relapse ain’t got nothin’ on recovery groups!*
Come alongside… Are you staying on track in your recovery? Have you taken steps back? What can you do to get back on the right path? Share with us in the comments below. Remember, you can comment anonymously.
*Note: I don’t mean to minimize addiction by saying it’s easy to recover by solely attending recovery groups. Other resources and treatments might be necessary to address recovery. Recovery groups are just one component to address recovery, relapse, and addictive behaviors.
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Are you feelin’ it? You don’t have to.
Hi, friends!
It’s hard to encourage others when you yourself are discouraged. That’s where I’ve been lately.
Hey, this blog is about transparency, right? 😉
One thing I’m learning—sometimes, not very well—is that discouragement comes when I expect something and then don’t get it, when I long for something and it doesn’t come about. For most of us, wanting these things isn’t necessarily bad:
- A job
- A husband
- A child
- An improvement in health
- A publishing contract (for my fellow writers out there!)
What to do?
It’s easy to tell someone to just put their eyes on Jesus. But when your bills stack higher than Mt. Everest, your biological clock is ticking, your health slides downward, or the publishing contract loses its way in the mail, it’s hard to get your eyes on anything other than what your heart desires.
That’s why I start with my heart.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a firm believer in acknowledging and processing my feelings. That’s how we heal and grow. It’s also how we experience the range of emotions God gave us. But if I stop there—with my heart, I will stay discouraged, maybe even dip into depression.
So I move from my heart to my mind, to what I know is true—even though I might not feel it.
- I don’t feel loved, but I know God loves me (John 3:16).
- I don’t feel like He’s listening, but I know He leans in close (Psalm 4:3).
- I don’t feel like I have all I need, but I know He provides for me (Philippians 4:19).
- I don’t feel like I have good things. But I know He gives me only the best (James 1:17).
- I don’t feel like I’m going in the right direction. But I know He leads me (Psalm 143:10).
- I don’t feel like I have anyone who stands up for me. But I know He protects me (Psalm 121:7).
It’s not “fake it ’til you make it.” It’s an “I don’t feel it. But I don’t have to because I know it!” Why?
Because I know my God. And I believe His word.
See the difference? I’m not stuffing my feelings; I’m acknowledging them and reminding myself I don’t have to rely on them solely. I can rely on what—er, who—I know.
This is especially important for people who struggle with mental illness, especially depression, like me. Many times, I haven’t felt … anything. This is a daily thing for me. But it’s at those times, when I choose to rely on what I know about my God.
Start with your heart. And then move to your mind.
Don’t just feel it. Know it!
Come alongside… What are you not feeling lately? How can you know it? Share with us in the comments below.
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You Don’t Have to Handle Everything All by Yourself
Hi, friends!
Today, I want to introduce you to my dear friend Terry. I’ve known Terry since 2006, and we’ve become very close friends since that time. Terry has an amazing story of recovery from trying to do all things by herself. I wanted her to share it with you, so I now introduce Terry.
I grew up in Longwood and Winter Springs Florida. I was one of five children with two older brothers and two younger sisters. Our home had an atmosphere of fear and anger. My parents divorced before I was five and my Mom remarried when I was eight. Both my Father and Stepfather were abusive. In addition, my Mother was working so much and dealing with her own life that she had nothing left for us children. I found out early how to take care of my siblings and myself. By the time I was 11, I was cooking meals, doing laundry, cleaning house, and babysitting to earn some money.
At 14, the abuse worsened so, my sister and I went to live in Utah with my Dad for a year. That turned out to be a nightmare. He was even more abusive than our Stepfather was. We went back to Florida at the end of the school year but things there had only gotten worse. I imagine that the years of abuse had finally rubbed off on my Mom and she had become abusive herself. I started making plans and moved out 5 days after high school graduation.
When we were young, my Mom sent us to church on the bus. There I learned all about God and Jesus but never learned anything about knowing them or following God’s word. By the time I was a teenager, I felt like I had gone to Church as much as I needed to and left. I had been baptized when I was eight and had considered myself a Christian ever since. Only, you couldn’t tell that by looking at my lifestyle. I continued to search as an adult and tried several other religions along the way. None of them seemed to make any sense so I filled my life with work. I went to college off and on some but didn’t get to finish my AA degree until 2012.
I kept on with using my coping skills of staying busy with work and taking care of not just myself but everyone around me. I was very confident in my ability to take care of any situation that came along. I got married in 1986 and we seemed to have the perfect marriage. We never argued, not once in 10 years. It turns out that we were both experts at avoiding conflict, until he was no longer able to and suggested we divorce. So we did… in 1996.
After the divorce, I spent the next 3 years trying to fill the hole with everything the world had to offer but that just made the hole bigger. By the end of that time, I had sunk into a deep depression. I would go home from work on Friday and stay in bed until Monday. Going to work was the only reason I had to get out of bed. I’m so thankful I had a job I loved during that time. The depression continued for 3 months. I was finally up against something I couldn’t handle all by myself.
One day, a friend and I were talking about how bad the language had gotten on the radio. She said, “I know a station you would like where they don’t do that and they play the kind of music you would like.” So I thought I’d give it a try and she was right, they didn’t do that and I did like the music. That station was The Joy FM, and I’ve been listening to it ever since. One day, while driving to work, a song came on called I Am Not Alone by Natalie Grant. That song made me realize that even though I had been trying to handle everything all by myself, I didn’t have to. There was help available. In that moment, I was finally able to tell Jesus that I needed His help. After all the years of searching for love and approval, I had finally found it and it was unconditional. It didn’t rely on my performance at all.
I visited several churches and finally landed at my home church. In the early days of my salvation, I leaned heavily on the verse in Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good to those that are called according to His purpose.” I immediately started getting involved. I joined the choir and planned activities for my class. I took any extra classes available and within a few years, I was leading a Connect Group and a Ladies Bible Study. In 2004, I had the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Moldova and then got to go again in 2006. I also led several sessions of Divorce Care and in 2008, I got involved in Celebrate Recovery at my church. After completing a step study, I volunteered and led small groups and eventually became a member of leadership.
After being single for 15 years, I married Jim in 2011 and now we both help lead a Celebrate Recovery at another church and I lead support groups at my church on Wednesday evenings. Oh, and Jim and I are involved in an adult class on Sunday mornings to plan and coordinate ministry activities.
One of the most amazing changes in my life is that before salvation, it seemed as if I was walking around with a giant mirror in front of me. I could never see a clear path to the future, only the distant painful past behind me. Now, it’s like that giant mirror is gone and I can clearly see the future that is in front of me. Like Natalie Grant says, “I am not alone.” With Christ, I can live in freedom from my past and even be used by God to help others find that same freedom. Now I lean on the verse in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans for good and not for harm, to give you a hope and a future.”
Thank you for letting me share.
What a great story of moving from self-sufficiency to God-sufficiency! Thank you, Terry, for your courage and transparency. May God continue to bless you and use your story to help others struggling with giving control of their lives to God.
Friends, I hope you will comment and encourage Terry for sharing her story with us. Tell us what part or parts of her story you related with and why. If you have any questions for Terry, feel free to ask her in the comments section below. If you need prayer, please share that with us as well.
Terry’s picks
Ooh, a Shortcut…. Not So Fast!
“Momma, momma, why can’t we just take the shortcut?” asked my four-year-old on the way to the doctor. He saw the doctor’s office in the distance and must’ve figured that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line—why not just take it?
“Because…”
I maneuvered the twists and turns through the medical complex as I tried to think of an answer he could understand.
“Sometimes we have to take the long way to get where we’re going.”
“But it’s just right there.”
“I know. But sometimes we can’t take shortcuts. There might be things we need to see on the long way—maybe something we need to learn.” Like patience, I told myself.
Isn’t that like life? Sometimes we’re in a situation for much longer than we anticipated.
- Singleness.
- Illness.
- Unemployment.
- Any type of life transition.
Like my son, we might say, “Why can’t we just take a shortcut, Lord?” Or, “Why is this taking so long, Lord?” Or, “How long, Lord?”
We’ve all been there.
Today, I want to remind you about the Israelites.
When the king sent the people out of Egypt, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was the shortest way.
God said, “If they have to fight, they might change their minds and go back to Egypt.” So God led them through the desert toward the Red Sea.
The Israelites were dressed for fighting when they left the land of Egypt. The Lord showed them the way; during the day he went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud, and during the night he was in a pillar of fire to give them light.
In this way they could travel during the day or night. The pillar of cloud was always with them during the day, and the pillar of fire was always with them at night. (Exodus 13:17-22).
Dear one, God has a reason for taking you the “long” way. Be assured, that despite how long you’ve been in your situation, He is with you, and He will show you the way. He has not left you.
Sometimes it is frustrating to have to take the long route, but remember: We might not understand the road we travel, but we can rest that the Lord will direct our steps (Proverbs 20:24). He has good and perfect gifts in store for us (James 1:17).
Come alongside… What situation do you find yourself in today? How long have you been there? How can you trust God’s plan for you?
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Guest Post: Love Twisted. Love Defined.
I am honored to have my dear friend, Sara Robillard, as my guest blogger for today. Sara and I have known each other several years, and she is truly the sister I never had. She is my “Sissy.” Sara is one of the best lyricists I know. She writes recovery testimonies and recovery-related blogs. She’s also a ghost writer for a non-profit organization. Sara’s story is one of hope and healing. I’m honored to have my Sissy share her heart with you today and hope you will be blessed by her story, “Love Twisted. Love Defined.”
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“Love Twisted. Love Defined.”
by Sara Robillard
Find Sara on Twitter
Love.
Love twisted. Love Defined.
That’s been my life thus far in a nutshell.
As a victim of physical, sexual, spiritual and psychological abuses for the first 20+ years of my life, it’s safe to say I felt pretty screwed up coming out of it. I had seen despair, I had felt hopelessness, but never as profoundly as I did entering recovery. I began to understand that I was being held accountable, and I needed to trust God if I had any chance of surviving. I fought it at first. I had my own way of dealing with things, but God began to break through all my mechanisms, drawing me to Himself. At the end of a long, weary battle, I found myself on my knees, my heart absolutely crushed, and throwing myself at Christ. He finally became my source of life, of hope, of love. No more idols. No more ideals. No more disappointment.
I struggled with how to handle this love relationship I had with God. I had been told I was “loved” before, but that was the twisted sort. Taking and demanding. Using and abusing. Based on merit and emotion. I turned to His word, looking for the truth. And I found it. I found it in the example of Christ, in His action upon the cross out of love for me (1 John 4:9). I found it demonstrated through His people as they ministered to me (1 John 4:11-12). I found it as I began to understand how to express my love to Him through simple obedience (1 John 5:2-3).
He chose me. He set me apart to be His own before the world began. I know that I have never been alone. And I am constantly being romanced by Him in all that is around me. Somehow, I have found myself desperately in love, going from one extreme to another. I have no idea how it happened…it was so subtle, so profound, so beautiful.
And to think, this is what He desires for us all.
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Come alongside…Has love been twisted for you? Can you allow God to define it? Comment below.
