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Comfort

Forgive and Forget? Not Really. (Part 2)

 
Hi, friends!
 
forgiveforgetrev1
Several months ago, I wrote the post, “Forgive and forget? Not Really.” In that post, I said I agreed with the “forgive” part of that age-old saying. (If you haven’t read it yet, hop on over to that post and chime in on our discussion.)
 
 
I ended that post saying I would address the “and forget” part in the next post. Summer came and went. So did the holidays, and still no follow-up on the post.
 
 
I haven’t wanted to talk about the “and forget” part–much less, blog about it. Several things happened after the first post that have challenged me in the forgiveness department. It’s as if God was saying:
 
 

“Do you really believe what you say you believe, Daphne?”

 
 
With God’s help, lots of tears, and the help of my family, friends, and my recovery group, I’m working through the forgiveness part–and doing well, at least, for today. 😉
 
 
Lately, the “and forget” part has come to mind, which, if you ask me, shows progress. Does that mean I should just go ahead and forget about what happened? Should I erase the bad things that have consumed me for the past year? Do I pretend the harmful things that have dominated every waking–and “sleeping”–moment of my life since early summer no longer matter? No.
 
 

Pain matters.

 
 
Forgetting the pain my family and I have gone through would also erase the good that has come from it.
 

  • More conversations about feelings and long-standing issues with low self-worth.
  • Healthy boundaries.
  • New directions for our family.
  • A simple life that treasures even the little things.
  • Courage to protect myself and my loved ones.
  • Restored relationships with estranged family members.
  • Right priorities.
  • Tighter family relationships.
  • Renewed importance of the fragility of life.
  • Better listening skills.
  • Learning about each others’ lives–things we didn’t know about each other that we will carry with us for years to come.
  • Giving and receiving advice across generations.

 
 
Who knew that negative situations could produce such positive change? And this is just a short list of good coming from bad! There were plenty of good things in our lives last year. That’s an entirely different list of God’s blessings. Should I forget it all–2014?
 
 
When we “forgive and forget,” we essentially tell God our pain is better left in the past. Nothing good has come from it. I am where I am today by my own merit, not anything God has done.
 
 
“Forgive and forget” is an affront to the sovereignty of God who turns evil into good (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28).
 
 

Pain is important to forgive. It’s also important to remember.

 
 
forgiveremember2“Forgive and remember” until you can do so without an inkling of anger, bitterness, or revenge. That, my friend, is healing. “Forgive and remember” speaks hope: Look what God did for me in this situation. He can do the same for you. That’s the power of remembering. That’s the hope you can share with others. “Forgive and forget” lacks hope. It has nothing to offer anyone. Your pain is in vain.
 
 
My pain is not in vain. God has brought much good from it–and I know He will continue to do so. This is the hope I offer you: God can bring good from whatever wrong was committed against you or whatever hurtful thing was said about you.
 
 
Forgive and remember.
 
 

 
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel!
 
He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
 

 
 
 
Come alongside… Do you agree that you shouldn’t forget the wrongs committed against you? Why or why not? What have you been trying to forget that you need to remember? Please comment in the box below. Remember, you can comment anonymously.
 
 
 


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Tell Me About Your Day

 
Hi, friends!
 
When my husband and I were dating, we started a tradition of telling each other our favorite and least favorite things of the day. We learned a lot about each other, and it helped us to stay connected, especially when he was working hundreds of miles away.
 
 
This proved better for us than just asking “How are you doing?” because, as most people, we would answer, “Fine.” By asking each other about our favorite and least favorite parts of the day, we deepened our relationship. Our answers revealed so much more than a simple one-word answer ever could:
 
 

  • Interests
  • Concerns
  • Sense of humor
  • Feelings
  • Values

 
 
It could have been easy to forget about it when he returned from working halfway across the country. Instead, we kept it going. Now that we’ve adopted our children, we’ve involved them as well. They love it and look forward to talking about their day–whether it’s after church, after school, after a family outing, during dinner, at the end of the day.
 
 
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I wanted to share this idea with you in the form of my very first printable: “Tell Me About Your Day.” I hope you will print it and use it with your significant other, with your family, and even with your friends. I would suggest even laminating it. I know it will help to deepen relationships with those around you. It has helped me to be consistent in learning about the people I love.
 
 
Here is a full-color version:
 
TellMeAboutYourDay Printable
 
 
Here is a grayscale version:
 
B&WTellMeAboutYourDay
 
 
What better way to come alongside your loved ones and invite them into your life. 🙂
 
 
Let me know how it goes. I would love to hear how this tool helps you.
Hugs,
Daphne
 
 
 
P.S. — Happy Valentine’s Day. 😀
 
 
 
Come alongside. What was your favorite part of today? What about your least favorite part of the day? Share with us in the comments below.
 
 

Miley, The Morning After

 

I didn’t catch the Video Music Awards (VMAs), but after all the chatter the morning after, curiosity got the best of me. So I headed over to YouTube to find out what all the fuss was about. (No, I’m not going to link to it.)

 

After my eyes and heart recovered from Miley Cyrus’ highly inappropriate dance routine in front of millions of people—children included, the thousands of comments from viewers and readers made sense.

 

Many comments, in my opinion, were as distasteful as Miley’s performance itself. But as I wrote in my post about Whitney Houston, we’re all some version of Miley, whether we admit it or not.

 

Miley, The Morning After

 

How many times have we made irrational decisions? Choices that seemed fun at the moment, but the morning after, maybe even hours or seconds after, felt regret, guilt, and shame.

 

  • Erupting in anger.
  • Pulling up the porn just one more time.
  • Binging on fat-laden foods.
  • Downing just one more drink.
  • Having just one more affair.
  • Telling a “little white lie.”

 

I myself have plopped my face into my hands the morning after saying, “What the H-E-double hockey sticks was I thinking?”

 

Miley Cyrus might not be saying that just yet, but I assure you: In time, she will. We all will.

 

We all seek that one thing that will make us feel alive—truly free. And not just free for a moment, but free for a lifetime. We can’t find it on a stage in front of millions of people or in the corner of a dark room with nothing but our conscience. We find it in Jesus.

 

Jesus is what we’re all looking for. Jesus is the only one who grants us freedom with open arms. We won’t be perfect, by any means, and consequences surely will follow. But when we can grasp that He loves us and He delights in us—His beautiful creations, we have no need for the harmful anger, the porn, the binging, the drinks, the affairs, the lies, or the inappropriate dance routines. We know He loves us! And that’s all that matters.

 

The night before—and the morning after.

 

 

Come alongside… When have you made a poor decision? How did you feel afterward? How did you recover? Remember, you can post anonymously.

 
 

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Encouragement RoundUp

Hi, readers!

 

 

I hope you’ve been doing well.

 

roundupREV2

I’ve been reading some great articles lately. Here are a few I thought I’d pass along to you.

 

I hope you will check these out and pass them along to your friends and family. Good stuff here!

 

Blessings,

Daphne

 

P.S. – Continue to pray for me as I write my book. Slowly but surely. 😉

 
 

2nd Graders, Field Trips, and Jesus


 
“This way, kids. Stay with us.”
 
“Joshua… Joshua, this way, please.”
 
“Come on, Jasmine. Time to move on.”
 
 
Oh, the joys of chaperoning 2nd grade field trips.
 
 
We don’t have all 16! Where’s Samuel?!?!
 
 
Nine girls, seven boys. Nine girls, seven boys.
 
 
I felt like I was corralling them as we walked along—trying to catch glimpses of sharks, goliath groupers, and sea anemones along the way.
 
 
I wanted them to enjoy the aquarium to the fullest—protected, safe, without getting lost and scared.
 
 
I was there for them.
 
 
Dear one, Jesus is there for us too–except He’s not just a chaperone. He is The Great Shepherd.
 
 
“This way, Daphne. Stay with me.”
 
 
“Daphne… Daphne, this way, please.”
 
 
“Daphne, time to move on.”
 
 
He doesn’t want to spoil our fun. He loves us and wants us to enjoy life to the fullest. His boundaries protect us, keep us safe, and help us not to get lost or scared along the way.
 
 
We might want to go our own way—and many times we do, but Jesus comes back for us.
 

If a man has a hundred sheep but one of the sheep gets lost, he will leave the other ninety-nine on the hill and go to look for the lost sheep. (Matthew 18:11-14)
 

 
 
When we’re weak, tender, sick, burdened, or hurting, He gathers us in His arms. He carries us close to His heart. He gently leads us (Isaiah 40:11).
 

 
 

***

 
 
At the end of the day, we made it back to school with all 16 kids. No major injuries–just a few cuts and scrapes along the way. I set boundaries–they felt loved. Some kids even fought to hold my hand.
 
 
“It’s my turn to hold her hand.”
 
 
“You already had a turn.”
 
 
“Mrs. T., when can I hold your hand?”
 
 
Dear one, hold Jesus’ hand. Stay within His boundaries. You will feel His love.
 
 
 
 
Come alongside… Have you ever been a chaperone? What was that like? Has anyone ever chaperoned you? How has God shepherded you? What is He trying to get across to you? Please share with us in the comments.
 
 


 

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Affiliate Disclosure

Daphne Tarango is a participant in affiliate programs with Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, DaySpring, Church Source, Hazelden, Christian Strong (via Conversant and ShareASale). These advertising services are designed to provide a means for sites like DaphneWrites.com to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to said merchants. Some images and articles may contain links to products on merchant sites. Should you choose to make purchases through those links, please understand that I will receive a small commission. Please do not feel like you need to use these links to make any purchases. The links are only for your convenience. Thank you.

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